#1
I'm working on a title for this one. I have a couple ideas, so let me know which one you think is best after giving the lyrics a read.

Untitled

In this stillframe
This shutter-closed memory
You're so overexposed
And I hate to see you this way

(IN A FLASH)
The whole photograph changes
With a single word
A single phrase
Cause you're holding on to my memory
And you won't let go
Of the negatives

But things didn't develop
The way you expected
You're left with these faded
Photos of faces
Caught in no-motion
That want to break free
But they burn into your mind
Burn up

(IN A FLASH)
The bulb breaks and captures another
Moment you know
You'll never get back
You're stuck in this dark room with this panorama
Of contrast between
Now and the past

But things didn't develop
The way you expected
You're left with these faded
Photos of faces
Caught in no-motion
That want to break free
But they burn into your mind
Burn up

(WITH A FLASH)
Take your best shot
I'm just another
Faded face that wants to break free
But you're holding on to my memory
There's nothing I can do
You're keeping me trapped

In this stillframe
This shutter-closed memory
You're so overexposed
And I hate to see you this way

Now...Title ideas:
1 - The Portrait Of
2 - The Portrait Of (Her Name)
3 - Through a Glass Clearly
4 - Through a Glass Darkly

I'm open to suggestions though.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#2
Wow.

This... is amazing. One of my favorites from you. Filled with wit and wordplay all the way through "But things didn't develop the way you expected" that made me almost smile with how witty it was.

You're left with these faded
Photos of faces

I love that too, reminds me of (If you've heard them, if not, dig up some lyrics at least) Northstar, which is a huge compliment.

Excellent work Petey, and I have one other title idea, but I need to perfect it. I expect it used too. haha.

Title Ideas (For now)

One Hour Photo
Photoalbum
What I leave/left in the Black Room
Modern Pornography
Last edited by Retribution at Jun 12, 2006,
#3
Quote by Petey Cook

Untitled

In this stillframe
This shutter-closed memory
You're so overexposed
And I hate to see you this way

(IN A FLASH)Is there a reason why it's in brackets? is it screamed or something or is it just put like that to look cool?
The whole photograph changes
With a single wordSome punctuation would be nice, I know it's not a big deal but it's a little thing that brings organization and structure.
A single phrase
Cause you're holding on to my memory
And you won't let go
Of the negativesYou're milking this metaphor well.

But things didn't develop
The way you expected
You're left with these faded
Photos of faces Nice alliteration, sounds good too.
Caught in no-motion
That want to break free
But they burn into your mind
Burn up

(IN A FLASH)
The bulb breaks and captures another
Moment you know
You'll never get back That depressed me slightly...
You're stuck in this dark room with this panorama
Of contrast between
Now and the past

But things didn't develop
The way you expected
You're left with these faded
Photos of faces
Caught in no-motion
That want to break free
But they burn into your mind
Burn up

(WITH A FLASH) Cool
Take your best shot
I'm just another
Faded face that wants to break free
But you're holding on to my memory
There's nothing I can do
You're keeping me trapped

In this stillframe
This shutter-closed memory
You're so overexposed
And I hate to see you this way Cool.

Now...Title ideas:
1 - The Portrait Of This one. Or just Portrait
2 - The Portrait Of (Her Name)
3 - Through a Glass Clearly
4 - Through a Glass Darkly

I'm open to suggestions though.

Rock On



Good job Petey, this was amazingly done for one metaphor straight through, I love that kind. You really wrote it well, I don't have any suggestions really. Good job. Thanks for the comment on mine.


"Rock On"....What now?
#4
Thanks for the reads, fellas. I can't decide on a title, Ret, but those are some good ideas.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#5
good job

it has a good feel

what kinda music is it gonna be too?
Quote by Metal-X
But last time I cranked my amp up. A small bird flew by at the same time I did a pinch harmonic.... and it exploded....



Too Late
#7
PatD? Def not. Thursday, if anything.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#8
Good song, ireally liked it

song name ideas: In A Flash, Faded Photos of Faces, i like The Portrait Of

crit my song (One Last Fight), please