This is a song I wrote for the 10 words comp and now that the comp is over i figured I could post it in here and get some responses.

Sewn Silent

With a chloroform kiss you stole my breath
Now there is nothing left for me to hold on to
I'm reaching for a grasp of air
But my hands return with nothing there
I'm drowning in your devotion
You imprisoned me in your world with no means of escape
Chained me to that broken wall with evidence of faith
The cross that hangs above my head warrants no relief
You'll always be a exquisite sinner to me

(spoken bridge)
I can't tell how many tears I've cried
My cheeks are deadend to their touch
And the silver string quivers in your hand

Needles laced with Novocain pierce my lips
You wanted me to be perfect
Perfectly mute like your silent movie stars
I'm sewn silent now and beautiful you say

With an anesthetic touch you stole my soul
Now I'm nothing more than hallow
I'm left to be your marionette
You have control with one simple heartstring
My body is no longer mine, it's your for the defiling
You numbed me, carved me, made me your own
I'm everything you invisioned for me
The trophy wife who won't say a thing

(spoken bridge)
I can't tell gow many tears I've cried
My cheeks are deadened to their touch
And the blades glitter in your hands

Rusted scissors are cold against my lips
They cut the binding so effortlessly
I've forgotten what a voice feels like in my throat
I'm somatoform silent now and beautiful you say

With delusions of grandure you were playing God
Now that the flame is perishing in your amber eyes
Your demise is on a rapid decline
I thought your involvement was a sick seduction
Not everything is spelled out in black and white chalk lines on the street
But you never wanted to hear me call for you from the veranda
I'm somatoform and sewn silent
I'm beatuiful you say
Oh man, I loved it. I loved the brutality of this piece. You don't see too many brutal pieces on here. It's free verse, liked that. I liked your word choice as well. Hey, could you do me a favor and crit mine. It's titled, "I need some help with this one." I'd appreciate it. Thanks.
The only ones who see the end of war, are those who die from it