#1

Sir Walter Ramsey's Birthday

Today's Sir Walter Ralley's Birthday,
Misplaced plastic burst and imported.
On his 2006 headstone.

Grave weather in the air,
In the rare clear moons of my mind.

Sitting down, nervous nerves-
Unwanted here,
But addicted to this now.

Southern grass,
Dead in northern soil.

Ivy strangling the stone in withdrawal.

And tonight the grave weathers the air
And a rare feeling exports to my mind again.

Southern Grass,
Dead in northern soil.

Lost for breath,
Lost for words.
Last edited by thepickups at Jun 14, 2006,
#2
i don't like it as much as your other recent stuff tbh martin. oh yeah i'm calling you martin from now on, is that okay?

i dunno, i didn't feel the theme and ideas and passion was as strong in this one as your others. don't get me wrong it's still grreat but like, it's no, yknow, seletecitve what, sorry? yknoww

<3
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#3
It sounds like a poem that should be recited at a sombre ceremony but not a song. I like it.
#6
This seems like one of those pieces you just write for the hell of it. No meanings, no purpose. Just boredom or some forced interaction to write. I feel lame critting it, because it doesn't seem that serious or even having a point. So.. show me somethig different, and I'll try to help you improve that.
#7
Sometimes I just write becuase I have an idea to, it doesn't always mean an epic poem or something.

Like yesterday I wrote a piece on the bin men and their truck called Phoenix, I called it Phoenix and his Slaves. It was about nothing but those men linked with some langauge of rubbish.

I like doing it though, it helps me write better songs. This wasn't a song, but it has some ideas that I might use for one.

So.. show me somethig different, and I'll try to help you improve that.


It's not that I want you people to "improve" it, but more give me comments on how you felt about it, beucase improving myself is what I like about writing. All the flow, rhyming, imagery is pointless unless you do it yourself in my opinion. It's what's good about it. always learning.

Thanks, especially Mildred (the 1st poster) and pixiesfanyo.
Last edited by thepickups at Jun 14, 2006,
#9
Sir Walter Ralley and cigarrettes.
Last edited by thepickups at Jun 14, 2006,
#12
How on earth does that look horny

I just felt that the question of whta is this about was a little odd.
#13
Winks do something to me.

Do you know who Walter Ralley is?
Last edited by thepickups at Jun 14, 2006,