#1
blah blah blah poem prosey freewrite


you know we all are alone, but it's not something everyone knows. i tried to forget my body's functions, but you know, it's all clockwork. stamping out, checking in, life is in reverse. when you work back long enough, you get back to your birth. so our lives get boring and we look back. and from that point on we rearrange the memories into some jumbled form (because you know we never really remember our childhood). while this all crossed my mind, i stared up at the sky. laying in the grass, i am a grain of sand. (i am) nothing in the world. (but i am everything to myself).
Quote by emomints
Green day have to be one of the biggest emo bands in the world (and I still love them). Which do you lot think is there most emo song 'coz me and my friend can't decide lol
#2
This was an ok song/ poem with some good lines in it like "(i am) nothing in the world. (but i am everything to myself)." I thought this was very clever, and it is something that everyone can relate to. There were however a few lines that werent so good such as "and from that point on we rearrange the memories into some jumbled form (because you know we never really remember our childhood)." To me it just doesnt seem to fit. If you work on this and maybe create a bit of structure to it ie. have it in stanzas instead of one long story it has the potential to be great.
Please crit-

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