#1
Your Comments Please!!!
''18 Months With You''
N.B.** Its hard to convey the rhythm and timing of this song, but i can tell you its pretty fast paced!

verse 1:
Seeing through the lines
Holding up 8 fingers to my face,
Erasing the past 18 months with you,
My bigger mistakes take longer to get through,
Once again, im the one to blame,
But whatever you do, things still stay the same,
I get hated most of all,
By everyone, as sympathy runs away as usual,
Mortality would be the easiest way out,
An exit blocked by self-harm doubt,
You don't feel guilty about the few words that you said.

verse 2:
You slipped and fell right on your a*s,
I laughed and cried, at you face first on the grass,
Praying that you broke a bone,
Showing how little i have grown,
But i have every right to say that,
From what little right i ever had,
That was taken away,
By your friends on such a sorryfull day,
Did you ever think things could ever be this way?
Or were you caught up in your own game?
Feeling stupid as ever, as we are never face to face

Chorus:
Once something so great,
But all ended in hate,
So i won't be getting a postcard from you in hell,
The vivid memories of the day you slipped and fell,
So pathetic,
But so god damn enjoyable.

Verse 3:
Blood seeps between the lines
Holding 1 finger to your eyes,
Wasted the past 18 months with you,
Erasing your face makes it easier to get through,
When theres no-one else to blame,
Your friends talk sh*t, but all remains the same,
and i come out worst of all,
Embarrassment and a*s kicking as usual,
Insanity would be the easiest way out,
Diminishing all of your doubts,
Pleading guilty to all the words i never even said.

Chorus 2:
Once something so great,
But now too late,
So i won't want a pointless postcard from you in hell,
The good memories of the day you slipped and fell,
Not so Pathetic,
So Fu*king enjoyable

[Break]
Chorus 3:
Now something to relate,
From what is now too late,
So don't write a pointless postcard to me from hell,
You said enough the day you slipped and fell,
When you said nothing at all,
But the cry from the fall,
Your sobbing was pathetic,
So Fu*king enjoyable

Thats it for now, but as you can see, requires further development. For those who are interested: This song is about the splitting of two friends, and their incapability to say what they mean, one gets hurt badly one day (maybe even dies), and the other couldn't care less, as it is too late, ironic as the speaker feels like dying or going mental anyway, but then doesn't......

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"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#4
I suppose it is a bit hard to follow or confusing, but it's meant to be one of those songs that your hear and can bearly keep up with the lyrics when singing along(well it would be if i could get a riff going on to accompany it lol)!
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#6
Quote by thepickups
Cracking title.

I love the:

Uh Yeh

bit.

I take it you don't like the song much either?
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#8
Quote by thepickups
When did I say I didn't like the title?

sorry, thought you were being sarcastic, but, what do you actually think of the song?
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#9
I thought it was one I've heard before, meaning it was pretty cliche. The movement of it was decent, it's just the content.
#10
Quote by thepickups
I thought it was one I've heard before, meaning it was pretty cliche. The movement of it was decent, it's just the content.

What song was that?
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#11
Quote by USCENDONE BENE
What song was that?


Too many.
You know the bitter comes out better on a stolen guitar
You're the BLESSED, we're the Spiders from Mars!

Member 3 of the "Mick Ronson Is an extremely Awesome Guitar Player" Fanclub. PM ThePurpleRabbit to join.
#15
Quote by FadingRoots
Too many.

Well then, one more won't hurt then, this song is personal to me, i wrote it, and if people can relate to it, then obviously others have written similar songs because they feel the same way. Besides, it's pop music which has all the songs the same . I write for one person, me, and me only
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
Last edited by USCENDONE BENE at Jun 15, 2006,
#16
i like it =P it was dead funny, the bit about the dude falling.
A little nasty though

well,,,, il give you a 8/10 bcuz im feeling so damn nice.
Crit mine? the link is in my sig.
xx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#17
We have the same writing style, so of course I like it. Sometimes though, the rhyming gets just a little cliché and it's hard to keep up with the pace of the song because of the different lengths of the lines But I guess you can keep the flow ey? If you wan't something of mine that's a lot like yours, then click ''Poetry'' (The link is in my sig. AND NO it's not poetry, it's just the title of the song)
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#18
Quote by NineInchNails_0
We have the same writing style, so of course I like it. Sometimes though, the rhyming gets just a little cliché and it's hard to keep up with the pace of the song because of the different lengths of the lines But I guess you can keep the flow ey? If you wan't something of mine that's a lot like yours, then click ''Poetry'' (The link is in my sig. AND NO it's not poetry, it's just the title of the song)

Yeah, they are quite similar, though yours has a better structure lol. Inspired me to start writing again! Well, i was thinking about doing another song anyways really.....
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#19
Itn leaves much room for interpretation, but that could be what you wanted. I think it lays down thew story line well, but alows people to take it there own way, good job.
#2 member of the Bill and Ted fan club

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It lies between the pit of man's fears, and the summit of his knowledge. It is an area which we call ... THE TWILIGHT ZONE."
#20
This is an awesome song. I think it has awesome value and it's pretty meaningful. This is probably my favourite part

"Blood seeps between the lines
Holding 1 finger to your eyes,
Wasted the past 18 months with you,
Erasing your face makes it easier to get through,
When theres no-one else to blame,
Your friends talk sh*t, but all remains the same,
and i come out worst of all,
Embarrassment and a*s kicking as usual,
Insanity would be the easiest way out,
Diminishing all of your doubts,
Pleading guilty to all the words i never even said."

Awesome I love it. Thanks for writing it
#21
Oh God Damn! I can't manage to put a guitar riff to this!!!!
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#22
hey could you tell me how to put your song lyric posts into your replies, u know the way it has a link to your 2 songs when u write something on this, cheers