#1
ehh wrote this in about 3 minutes so its not to good.But i thought it seemed like if i fixed it up it could be cool so here it is.

In the night...
They ride through the light.
The victims dont know the carnage to come.

To long they went on.
Destroying the land.
Ignoring the signs from above.

Now the ancient secret arrives!
Their piercing shreaks,send the weak to take their lives.
Instead of faceing their blood staind swords.
But now the damage is done.
Noone can run.
For they all added to the destruction and war.

They begg and they cry.
But the men ,women and children will die.
For noone escapes the ancient secret hoard.

Now the ancient secret arrives!
Blood staind gauntlets and fire ridden eyes.
They look down on the martyrs to come....
With a drop of their swords.
They send them to their graves.
As the intolerable virus theyve become.
its a global massacre
#2
A bit confusing. It sounds like it could be about end times, but ? I think that what ever your message is, you need to stick with it. Make it a little more clear. But it is odd enough that it is hard to say it is wrong, It is simply unique.


plz crit
Naffin - Painful secrets
#2 member of the Bill and Ted fan club

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It lies between the pit of man's fears, and the summit of his knowledge. It is an area which we call ... THE TWILIGHT ZONE."
#3
Yea its supposed to be about how all the people in the world just do so much stuff to add to its destruction and dont think about what will come from it.And how it will come back to bite um on the ass.
its a global massacre
#4
"In the night...
They ride through the light."

Contradicting isn't it?

"Ignoring the signs from above." Doesn't really fit in structure wise, maybe if it rhymed with the third line it would fit in better, but the two lines above are good, definitly keep them that way.

I didn't think I would enjoy the lyrics based on the title, but I was surprised, its pretty cool in general.

If you would crit for crit, these are my lyrics:
In Line
Archdeacon of the Church of Zeppelinism
PM TheHeartbreaker to join

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horazonblade, you are one of the reasonable/intelligent people on this forum... - JewMasatFlex
#5
The opening of in the night and light obviously needs to be re-thought. The song doesn't really have a flow. It's as if it were being written just to write a song like that. It also ounds like an alternate version of bad religion's in the night.

To long they went on.
Destroying the land.
Ignoring the signs from above.

Doesn't fit in and a little short. If you did write it in just two minutes, then I'm sure you can transform it to something reasonably decent with a little more time as you said.