#1
Ok here's another one by me. I was sort of angry and this isn't exactly my best work.

Verse
Sometimes I don't know why,
You'd rather die than found out you lied,
With just a look,
You took,
My dignity and life,
It's time for a strike,
Don't hold back,
One of three, defend, fold, or attack.

Chorus
A few lies in your hand and two more playing the field
I'll take myself out here, I guess I'll yield
This relation's been dead on arrival
I've got a knack for survival
What do you get when you cross a fool and a liar
When broken one feels a burnin' desire
Remember sitting under the light of that paralyzed moon
Where did all the time go to?

Verse
Sitting on the back of all this trouble,
Hold the fort down, defenses double,
Resist your temptations
If you shot to score, congratulations,
Try for resistance, but there's,
Blackened stars in the distance,
Watching closely,
As I fall,

Chorus (x1)

Bridge
I sure found what I was looking for,
Answers I found, opened doors,
Don't depend on implants and lies to take you through life,
Hold fast and increase your speed,
Try honesty, It'll be all that you need.

Chorus (x2)
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#3
good job, there is one thing i really like about this song adn that is that the rhymes just seem to come naturally, a problem that i often have in my songs is i tend to force the rhymes, so good job with that. The song seemed a bit short but hat is because you had less stanzas but they were longer so the length is good. Especially good job on the bridge.
crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=5855375#post5855375
~gtrfrk


founder of the dunlop pick fan club


RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"
#4
Wow thanks guys I appreciate the nice words. : I'll get to yours soon
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#6
Thanks b.c, and I don't know what genre this is meant to be played to.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#7
You'd rather die than found out you lied,

I think it's meant to be find out, otherwise well done.
#8
YeY! Calvinthecanadi is back! Cause for celebration guys, coz this dude rawks!
Okie.
This wasnt your best work, however, it totally rawked my little franz socks off.
I lOved this bit:
It's time for a strike,
Don't hold back,
One of three, defend, fold, or attack.

This is a fantastic peice of work here calvin. I can tell its a song written from actuall feelings as apposed to what "just sounds cool"
I wasnt sure exactly what it is about though.
9/10 from me [and i'm glad to have you back!!]

franz xx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#9
Thanks for the praise Franz, if you have a new peice I'd be happy to critique it. :
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#10
No probs man.I dont have anything yet but im working on a new peice =P


franz
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#11
I have one up now!!! Please crit!!!!

xxx
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.