#1
-February 29th, 4:17 PM
I met a strange old vagrant
While I was walking down the street
He had not clothes of cotton
Or shoes and socks to warm his feet
?I only care for food? he said
?My family simply needs to eat?
I dropped into his hat some change
Then he stabbed me and stole my sandwich

Here I panhandle again
Because a man had killed my wife
She made the money, I watched the kids
We had a quiet little life
I came upon the man one day
I thrust in fury with my knife
I stole his food and cried again
This sandwich was for my children, not me
Quote by esther_mouse
...bingo. signaturisation. like burnination, only even more flamey.


Worth listening to
#2
well that is definately one of the best concepts ever, and the last line of the first half was just brutally blatant (which was awesome). i guess "She made the money, I watched the kids" was the only part that seemed out of place, only because you threw in one line that didn't fit the entire rhyming scheme almost randomly. other than that pretty damn good, no other criticism.
#3
very good... i dont know how the hell you could put it into a song, and the only real problem is the very last line, 'this sandwich was for my children not me' it doesn't have the same syllables as the first stanza's last line... make it rhyme and with the same amount of syllables as 'then he stabbed me and stole my sandwich' then it will be kickass.
#4
Quote by benjiman
well that is definately one of the best concepts ever, and the last line of the first half was just brutally blatant (which was awesome). i guess "She made the money, I watched the kids" was the only part that seemed out of place, only because you threw in one line that didn't fit the entire rhyming scheme almost randomly. other than that pretty damn good, no other criticism.


i know it doesnt quite fit, but i needed to show why he was a bum now that his wife was dead...glad you enjoyed it
Quote by esther_mouse
...bingo. signaturisation. like burnination, only even more flamey.


Worth listening to