#1
just wrote it like 5 min. ago soo really rough draft it's a pretty slow song enjoy


Verse 1:
Stop! You confuse little girl.
You don't have to say a thing.
Hush! Your thoughts. Silence! Your lips.
I know exactly what you are thinking.
How could you ever think,
I would wan't to hurt you so bad?

All the nights that I stayed up trying to help you,
Figure out what you were gonna do.
I would give you everything,
Just to help you through you blue.
How could you ever think,
I would wan't to hurt you so bad?

Fill:
Maybe theres something, missing;
Between you and me.
Don't give up now.
The truth in there somewhere.


thats all for now

Background: It was written about this girl I knew that was really starting to mess her life up. I tried to reach out to help her, but she thought I was trying to take away her happiness.
Quote by Metal-X
But last time I cranked my amp up. A small bird flew by at the same time I did a pinch harmonic.... and it exploded....



Too Late
#2
Between you and I.
Don't give up now.
The truth is out there somewhere.

Possible change? The rest of it had a fantastic flow and the repetition of I would want to hurt you so bad sets the tone well. 'Want' has no apostrophe between the 'n' and the 't' however.
#3
that is awesome man, what kind of music is it guna have?
Quote by Unforgivable
LesPaulMarshalls ace!
Quote by Dudage
LesPaulMarshall, you friggin rock!
Quote by adrian_brown89
It's pretty hard to find someone as hardcore as Tom. The race for hardcore supremacy would be pretty close but i think Tom's got his nose just in front for now...
#4
I like it, you've avoided making the plot linear or cliche by taking some new turns in your actual words, very good.
Quote by flame843
My original intent was to put "...but never trust the French," but I didn't for fear of starting a flame war with some French UGER.


Quote by Funkbass796
why worry about that? They'd surrender immediatly.
#5
the music is kinda of an easy rock like 3 doors down

thx for the crits!
Quote by Metal-X
But last time I cranked my amp up. A small bird flew by at the same time I did a pinch harmonic.... and it exploded....



Too Late
#7
that was awesome not cliche and i was happy to see that cause theres alot of lyrics like that out there the fill you put i really liked it was awesome


thanks for the crits on my song i appriciate it you helped