#1
Sure, go ahead, it aint a problem
just make sure you bring it back in one piece
what do i get back when you return it to me
its all broken from the top to the bottom


is this your way of saying
THANK YOU??
is this your way of showing your
GRATITTUDE
oh, **** you dude (i know its corny but i didnt know anything else so still thinkin on this thing)

itve never felt this anger before
i was really mad
oh yes, i felt like beating you up hardcore to the bone
luckily for him i left him allone


is this your way of saying
THANK YOU??
is this your way of showing your
GRATITTUDE
oh, **** you dude (i know its corny but i didnt know anything else so still thinkin on this thing)

next time, i wont
fall for, your trick
i hope, next time
you wont be, such a DICK!!

is this your way of saying
THANK YOU??
is this your way of showing your
GRATITTUDE
oh, **** you dude (i know its corny but i didnt know anything else so still thinkin on this thing)
#2
It shows your emotions very well, but it seems as though you have taken very little effort or time over the lyrics. It sounds like you have just written the first things that enter your head. This is good for the basic outline of the song, so as you remember how you felt at the time, when you sit down to write, but you should not just throw it down there.
To improve try getting some type of structure going ie the same amount of sylabelles on each line etc... or if you know about iambic pentameter and all those grammatical methods incorporate them.
Please crit if you get the chance-
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=372717&highlight=manufactured
#5
#1st reply:
yeah i really wrote it down quickly. exactly hwo you said. but i dont know **** about grammatic stuff also the sylabelles thing i dont have a clue waht that is, i usually just start writing some sentences on paper and it comes to this.

#3rd reply:
yeah you could say it's a simple plan song, but i'm aiming for a punk/rock song so it's kind of a compliment i guess. even though you might think it sucks, im aiming for a punkrock song so i guess its good in the end.