#1
This is a rock, probably punk or hard rock, song. Sopposed to get hard during chorus and bridge.

(verse)
I know you're scared,
but i'm scared too,
this is not fair,
this is not true.
I need to hold you,
like i did before,
and you need me too,
this we can't ignore.

(chorus)
Being crushed with weight,
cotradictions of fate,
i cannot wait, it's not too late,
to fight for this,
cause i'm restless,
this is my test, or i'm hopeless.

(verse)
Illusions are true,
if only they grew,
if only you knew,
what there's left to do,
what there's left in us,
one last fight,
fight for what's just,
cause we know it's right,

(Chorus)

(bridge)
I will waste every breath,
to breathe what's true,
I will fight to my death,
to die with you.

(Chorus)

(Bridge [repeat])
#2
do, to, grew, new, few, why not lue

im sorry it's not a bad song it's just it's funny you rhymed ever time in the first four stanzas
#4
The lines are a bit short but thats not nessicerily bad with the kind of sound your going for. I noticed the rhyming thing too, mabey switch it up a bit. i liked it alot though dont get me wrong.
#5
When people think of songs
They think that they should rhyme
If you ask anyone worth their salt
This idea should be a crime
Do yourself a favor
Stop the habit before it starts
Cause this is flat out stupid
And you know it

Rock On
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#6
(chorus)
Being crushed with weight,
cotradictions of fate,
i cannot wait, it's not too late,
to fight for this,
cause i'm restless,
this is my test, or i'm hopeless.

Really enjoying the chorus I'm just wondering whether you need that AAA rhyming as it goes on a bit too long. Another point is that you could maybe stick some adjectives in to make the lines longer in the verses? It would also add to the interest of quite a deep topic.
#7
I really did not like the rhyme scheme and the rhymes were very predicitable. The chorus is okay but can use some tweaking. Try to rewrite it and make it less repetitive, then you might have some thing here.
#10
Well. Il be differant, i loved this song, i loved the ryhming!! Some songs just work with ryhming - like this one!
Sorry to be a contradiction. I enjoyed this and it seemed to me like a Blink182 song. It could own them any day.
9/10 from me.
Can you crit mine? the link be in my sig...[or have you already, i cant remember ]
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Meep is a word.
Use it.
#11
Ok, this ws mediocre and the rhyming was just awful, sorry but true. Some of this i liked i.e. the chorus but the rest i felt was cliched, and seriously lacked imagery and metaphors. Howeve it's not all bad, the roots of your ideas show but you just need to expand on them, this is the first stage.

It wasn't too bad on the whole but make sure you take into account what i and others have said and good luck.
#12
I know you're scared,
but i'm scared too,.


nice start it brings in the reader, and lots of people can relate at any given time, and it gives a feeling of someone being there for you.


(chorus)
Being crushed with weight,
cotradictions of fate,
i cannot wait, it's not too late,
to fight for this,
cause i'm restless,
this is my test, or i'm hopeless.


I understand where people are coming from with the rhyme scheme; it isn't something I would aim for, but as franz said it can work, many popular songs get away with it, so it all boils down to the music and feel.

I ran through this to a simple blues melody and it sound good, so like said before the rhyme scheme can sound cheesy but add a melody and it can work out fine.

Keep it up bud
#13
Nice work. Good song.

I liked the rhyming in some parts, but in others, not so much. There were times when it flowed beautifully, and times when it seemed out of place... Could use a little work, but overall great job.