#1
Not entirely finished. some of the rhymes might be a bit cheesy. similar theme to my song posted yesterday but not directed at the same person. find out the whole story in the relationship thread


Control Freak

You?re over reacting and you know it
You should watch your back
Or you just might blow it

(Chorus)
Your jealousy is a disease
Everyone around you agrees
You aim to please but in reality,
You?re nothing but a postponed tragedy

You hold her like an object each day
You?re deluded and digging yourself a hole
Soon you?ll learn the error of your ways
And repent and beg for your precious control

Take a step back and look at what you?ve done?.
I bet your having tons of goddamn fun
You separate and corale those who threaten
The thing you hold most precious

CONTROL!!!!!!!!

(Chorus)
Your jealousy is a disease
Everyone around you agrees
You aim to please but in reality,
You?re nothing but a postponed tragedy
#4
It's interesting then. What do you want me to say? At least I posted a comment!
*Insert interesting signature here*
#5
lol im just messing with you bro. Usualy i would like to have my writing/rhyming skills ripped apart so i improve
#7
Quote by Heascase
lol im just messing with you bro. Usualy i would like to have my writing/rhyming skills ripped apart so i improve
I'm not your 'bro' if anything, I would be 'sis' - I'm a girl.
*Insert interesting signature here*
#8
Quote by cut_up_angels
I'm not your 'bro' if anything, I would be 'sis' - I'm a girl.


ahhh, sorry for the misunderstanding.

wait a sec......

a female on UG

*hides under a rock*
#10
Quote by Heascase
ahhh, sorry for the misunderstanding.

wait a sec......

a female on UG

*hides under a rock*
Yeh, you got a problem with that punk?
*Insert interesting signature here*
#13
And the song was v.v.v.v.v.v.good in comparison to what some of my friends write.
*Insert interesting signature here*
#15
I like the song except for the "Take a step back and look at what you?ve done?.
I bet your having tons of goddamn fun
You separate and corale those who threaten
The thing you hold most precious

CONTROL!!!!!!!!" part.
#16
lol. I think I fell asleep last time my friend showed me one of her songs...
*Insert interesting signature here*
#18
Quote by Heascase
Not entirely finished. some of the rhymes might be a bit cheesy. similar theme to my song posted yesterday but not directed at the same person. find out the whole story in the relationship thread


Control Freak

You?re over reacting and you know it
You should watch your back
Or you just might blow it

(Chorus)
Your jealousy is a disease
Everyone around you agrees
You aim to please but in reality,
You?re nothing but a postponed tragedy

You hold her like an object each day
You?re deluded and digging yourself a hole
Soon you?ll learn the error of your ways
And repent and beg for your precious control

Take a step back and look at what you?ve done?.
I bet your having tons of goddamn fun
You separate and corale those who threaten
The thing you hold most precious

CONTROL!!!!!!!!

(Chorus)
Your jealousy is a disease
Everyone around you agrees
You aim to please but in reality,
You?re nothing but a postponed tragedy



ohmygawd. you're really good at writing songs. i love the part that I bolded. It's like it rhymes but it doesn't... ugh<33!! Can i ask a question?? Are you just writing this from nowhere, or is this coming from something someone did to you? It seems like there's so much emotion in it. I love it. Keep the songs going. If you ever record any of it, send it to me. I'd love to hear it
#19
this is all from personal stuff going on recently. hah yeah ill deffinetly send you it if my band/I records any of it. how old are you btw?
#20
Well I for one am willing and ready to tear it apart like you asked. Because it needs it. The problem is...I didn't get past the first stanza. It's just not good. You start with a three line verse that says absolutely nothing. Scrap it and start over.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#21
Quote by Petey Cook
Well I for one am willing and ready to tear it apart like you asked. Because it needs it. The problem is...I didn't get past the first stanza. It's just not good. You start with a three line verse that says absolutely nothing. Scrap it and start over.

Rock On


Thank you man. that was the first insult ive gotten on either of the songs ive posted and i think it helps to know there not perfect. i dont realy like that first stanza either but i dont realy think the whole thing is crap. mabey some changes but i dont think its complete crap.
#22
Quote by Heascase
this is all from personal stuff going on recently. hah yeah ill deffinetly send you it if my band/I records any of it. how old are you btw?



yay. you better record something, either by yourself or with your band.
seriously-no joke- both of your songs are really good.
I'm 15 ;] but i'll be 16 in early september. How about you?