#1
I ask myself:

What have we changed?
Am I just deranged?
Have I just wasted my time?

Will we remain a mystery?
In the book of human history,
Will they even give us a line?

What?s the point of empathy?
What does it do for me,
Except cause me years of stress?

If it doesn?t help my life
And causes me strife
Then who the f*ck am I trying to impress?

Would you listen at all
To a movement this small
If I didn?t have a guitar?

If I was just a guy on the street
And couldn?t hold a beat
Would my message carry on far?

If I don?t think I change sh*t
Then why don?t I quit?
I just have more plans, I guess.

I figure if I can close one door
And open up two more
I?ve done a hell of a lot more than the rest.
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I don't know if I like the flow of it... ehhh..

Oh and huzzah for my first post in this forum.
#2
Liked it alot! Thought the tight structure really helped to emphasize the questioning feel to it. The best stanza was
"Will we remain a mystery?
In the book of human history,
Will they even give us a line?"
Very powerful, and something nearly everybody can relate to. I didnt really like the stanza
"If it doesn?t help my life
And causes me strife
Then who the f*ck am I trying to impress?"
I think that the last line has too mant syllabelles and the lines before had too few.
Apart from this excellent poem/ song.
Please crit if you get the chancehttps://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=372717&highlight=manufactured
#5
Quote by Malakian=God
Liked it alot! Thought the tight structure really helped to emphasize the questioning feel to it. The best stanza was
"Will we remain a mystery?
In the book of human history,
Will they even give us a line?"
Very powerful, and something nearly everybody can relate to. I didnt really like the stanza
"If it doesn?t help my life
And causes me strife
Then who the f*ck am I trying to impress?"
I think that the last line has too mant syllabelles and the lines before had too few.
Apart from this excellent poem/ song.
Please crit if you get the chancehttps://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=372717&highlight=manufactured



Heh.. those happen to be my favorite and least favorite stanzas as well.. the number of syllables doesn't make it unappealing for me.. it's the word strife. I hate that word. When I'm singing it, it flows fine.

The song is pretty much about searching for a reason to keep fighting a losing battle against everything I find wrong with the world and coming the conclusion that, however little it helps, it's doing something for the world on some scale.

I'll give yours a look.