#1
New lyrics, just in and thought I should write this down. I happened to be online.
Here goes, no edits. The chorus sounds stupid without the music, I know, so I kept
it to only 1 repetition. The verses don't quite rhyme, but who cares? The bridge is actually the only agressive part musically, so the lyrics are more in your face. This is the first time in awhile that a song came to me quickly, so I'd like some input before I do edits, and start getting too introspective.

Apology

V1. Isn?t it funny,
It?s the day to day life
They never recall
In their memoirs.

V2. Isn?t it strange
The worst drivers you know
Are ones who complain
When they?re creating the show.

CH: The only way to know what you know
Is to know what you don?t know.
Those things I didn?t know that I knew
Were never meant to hurt you.

BR: Patience is a virtue,
So don?t you mess with mine.
Some would rather waste their lives
Than waste their precious time.

V3. Maybe I was so convinced
That I had the answers,
Maybe, I was wrong to risk
Everything?

CH: The only way to know what you know
Is to know what you don?t know.
Those things I didn?t know that I knew
Were never meant to hurt you
#2
ive just started to look at this forum, so im not really a specialist in songwriting or anything,...

but i think the verses are good, the way the first connects with the second, but the third is like.... different , and yeah, you warned about the chorus, its indeed kinda vague.

but nice job
And what is more, there's been a bloody purple nose and some bloody purple clothes that were messing up the lobby floor. It's just apartment house rules so all you 'partment fools remember : one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
#3
like it man, i mad up a rythme in my head for the chorus and it sounds pretty good, but your right if you read it it is a bit obscure, im tryin to right things at the moment but i just have ablock and cant think of n e thin, but u seem to be doin a good job so keep it up
#4
Isn?t it strange
The worst drivers you know
Are ones who complain
When they?re creating the show.

Maybe I was so convinced
That I had the answers,
Maybe, I was wrong to risk
Everything?

What the hell?

You sacrificed all meaning for the rhyme. To quote myself:

"It's a waste of mine and your time,
Sacrificing substance for the right rhyme."

It's wrong, it's fake, and it's pointless. It makes you sound unintelligent, which you never want in writing.
#5
something about this just isn't right.

Isn?t it strange
The worst drivers you know
Are ones who complain
When they?re creating the show

You obviously just wanted to rhyme and didn't care that it made your song sound like gibberish. I always rhyme in my lyrics too, but I try to make the rhymes make sense! It seems like you just didn't put any effort in.
B.C. RICH
#6
I don't think the rhyming thing these guys are complaining about is that bad, but maybe you did sacrifice some of the idea to make it rhyme. Which is odd, since you didn't seem to be focoused on rhyming in other sections of the song.
#7
This is the first time I've looked at it since I wrote it last night. You are absolutely
right about sacrificing for the rhyme. It makes the point, but it's vague, I can do
better.

I still hate the chorus, but that's what came out. It makes sense, but I can't stand
the blatant repetitions. Maybe I'll scrap it.

The 3rd verse is supposed to be different, it takes the focus off things everyone can
relate to, and puts it in 1st person. It enforces the chorus.

The next lyrics I post will be after a little editing -~
#9
Actually, the chorus isn't that vague, it's just repetitious and silly. Sometimes that works.
Sometimes it doesn't. I've picked up a few gigs in the next couple of weeks, and won't
be able to do any origional work because I've got about 25 songs to learn by this Friday,
so this thread should end until I can post something new.

Thanks for the input.