#1
This is actually my first stab at writing a song, ive only been playin guitar since january so i'm limited skillwise so i kept the music basic to be played acoustic, and tips on what to change or put in or remove would be greatly appreciated, thanks

Criticise away, if its crap say so!

G D/F# Em C9
-3----3------0----3
-3----3------0----3
-0----2------0----0
-0----0------2----2
-2----0------2----3
-3----2------0----0

VERSE 1
G - - - - - - - --- - - - - -- - D/F#- - - - - - - G
I?m Heading out to start, a life somewhere new
G - - - - - - - --- - - - - -- - D/F#- - - - - - -G
I?m leaving back behind a life that I once knew

Em- - - - - - --D/F# - - - - - - - - - G
But there are obstacles, placed upon my way
Em - - - - - - - - D/F#- - - - - - G
Times are getting harder, with each and everyday

CHORUS
C9 - - - - - - D/F# - - - - - - G
Cos I ? I, want to see this through
C9 - - - - - - D/F#- - - - - - - - - G
But I ? I, can?t do this without you
C9 - - - - - - - -D/F# - - - - - - G
For me ?e, it?s the only way
Em - - - D/F#- - - - - G
I need to leave here today

VERSE 2
G - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - D/F#- - - - - - - - - -G
What we were back then, has shaped what we are now
G - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - -D/F#- - - - - - - - G
With blood and sweat and tears, I?ve made it here somehow

Em - - - - - D/F# - - - - - - - - - - - - G
Even though I can?t see the end, I sense that its near
Em - - - - - D/F# - - - - - - G
I?m tryin? to get through, this day this month this year

CHORUS

I'd like to put something in here or before chorus, dunno wot tho?

VERSE 3
G - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - D/F# - - - - - - - -G
I?m moving far away, from everyone I know
G- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - D/F# - - - - - - - - G
I don?t know what will happen, or how things will go
Em- - - - - -D/F# - - - - - - - - - -G
I?ll try to make this work out; I?ll try to settle down
Em - - - - -D/F# - - - G
I?ll try to stick it out, in an unfamiliar town

CHORUS

I HAVE A NICE STRUM PATTERN FOR THE CHORUS WHICH WOULD BE HARD TO DESCRIBE BUT THERES SOME DETAILS BELOW.

NB.IN THE CHORUS RELEASE YOUR 1ST FINGER FOR 2 STRONG STRUMS BEFORE CHANGING TO D/F# CHORD ON THE FIRST THREE LINES, AND ON THE LAST LINE JUST A SINGLE STRUM ON EACH CHORD AT 'I', 'LEAVE' AND 'TODAY'
Last edited by ch715dallat at Jul 15, 2006,
#3
thanks, i wasnt sure wot it was liek, it sounded alright when i played it to myself, but you never know wot other ppl 'll think of it, , hope others think the same
#4
yea, obviously its got flaws

but considering youve been playing for 5 months its gd

much better than i coulda done at 5 months

at five months i was learning white stripes still :P

xxxx
#5
i want to change the last 2 lines of the chorus cos they dont sound right, n e suggestions?
#6
I like this song. It's really good. great rhymes by the way. I'd give it a 9/10. and as for the last two lines of the chorus, they don't sound that bad.
B.C. RICH
#7
yea me the song flows really well with the chords you have, even though i probably played a different rhythem. I like the way the lyrics stay simple and the same structurally throughout the piece.
Excellent job for playing for only a few months.
#8
yeah not bad... you have a really clear rhyming thing going on through the whole song & the chords sound nice (i tried to play it)... well done!! 8/10...
Quote by Lord_Of_Dance.

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Quote by Nelsean
Im saying this the straightest way possible, but...

I'd have sexual intercourse with your anus.
#10
hey, I played it and read it. It sounds good, I really like it. Only complaints are I dont like the chord progression here.

D/F# - - - Em - - - - - G
I need to leave here today

And I dont like the G* leading back into the G. It just sounds like there should be something inbetween them. (Just my opinion though)

Good Job I really like it .

And Retribution is right, this forum is only for lyrics.
Its how you look and how you feel
#11
I liked the feel of moving on, starting over. That was nice. I would play it, but my guitar is in my room which is just too far for now. So, it's nice to have the music along with the lyrics I think, gives me a better feel for what you want. Describes my current situation - lyrics i mean - so that always pushes it up higher in my books. Nicely done.
#12
Quote by Retribution
Too difficult to read with all those chords.

Guess what? No one really cares about the chords, this forums about lyrics.


Chill out, it really isnt hard to read, and wots ur problem it hardly hurts to give the reader the notes i am singing the lyrics so they have a rough idea what it sounds like.
And same for the other guy that agreed its not as though its wrong to put lyrics up and the chords, it is a lyrics and SONGWRITING forum, but if every1 thinks the same, i wont do it again.
#13
lol hey ive been playing since january too....youve playing since january 2006 right...?..lol


well im great at writing tunes..ive written lots..but i find a hard time getting lyrics lol
Anyone play gunbound? then add johnny93


....you must tap into: THE FORCE!
....or: THE FORCE! will leave you
....then, you will no longer have: THE FORCE!
#14
yeah im not to good at lyrics either, but i found this one just came to me, i know its not that good, but its about whats goin on with me in my life at the moment, (im heading of to university this september, by the way)
#15
youre lyrics are awesoem though..im only in gr7 so..not that much has happened in my life lol...
Anyone play gunbound? then add johnny93


....you must tap into: THE FORCE!
....or: THE FORCE! will leave you
....then, you will no longer have: THE FORCE!
#16
thanks man, any suggestions for changes to lyrics or any ideas to spice up the music side of things? no more complaints about putting up chords above the lyrics please,

Also any ideas for a fill after the 2nd chorus or a bridge or something would be greatly appreciated
Last edited by ch715dallat at Jul 15, 2006,