#1
Hey guys, got a bit bored today, so i decided to give this song writing a baz. Sounds pretty dreadful minus the music, but as it is, the music is fairly quiet, with heavy bits between the verses, and a fairly heavy chorus.

Let me know what you think, keeping in mind, this is the first song i've ever written.


V.1
What do you think of me?
wait, i dont give a fu ck.
what do you want from me?
hold on, i don't give a fu ck.

V.2
Think what you want of me.
But should i really care?
Try to get what you want from me.
Does it mean that i'll be here?

Chorus
When I'm everyone elses
Then, Wheres the time for me?
F uck you all, i don't need this ****!
I NEED MORE TIME FOR
MMMMEEEEEEEE (screamed)


V.3
Have i told you what i think of you?
'Cos quite frankly it needs to be said.
Have you got time to sit and listen?
'Cos the bounty is on your head!

V.4
Sit down, shut the fu ck up.
Are you going to listen?
Shut your mouth, and hang your head.
And follow my fuc king vision.

Chorus
When I'm everyone elses
Then, Wheres the time for me?
Fu ck you all, i don't need this Sh it
I NEED MORE TIME FOR
MMMMEEEEEEEE (screamed)

Interlude
I'm sick of this s hit.
It all turns out the same!
What the fu ck am i suposed to do?
WHAT! (Do I)
FUC KING! <-- Increasingly loud screams.
DDDDOOOOO!!

V.5
I Don't Care.
WHAT YOU THINK!
I Don't Care.

Go ahead.
AND THINK WHAT YOU THINK!
Go ahead (long scream)

Chorus
When I'm everyone elses
Then, Wheres the time for me?
Fu ck you all, i don't need this S hit
I NEED MORE TIME FOR
MMMMEEEEEEEE (screamed)
I NEED MORE TIME FOR
MMMMEEEEEEEE (screamed)
Last edited by nextBIGthing1 at Jun 18, 2006,
#2
Its a bit angry.

So many lyrics on here are just anger and depression type lyrics. why is everyone so angry these days?
- Satch is awsome -
#3
Originally i didn't want to do angry lyrics, just what i felt as i wrote them. After i've seen my girlfriend, i'll try and write a song then. It should be much happier.

But as a first song, what do you guys think? What could i improve on? Any help is appreciated.
#5
Thats cool then as long as all your lyrics arnt angry i guess its great to have variety.

with those lyrics i reckon they will sound great with the right music like a rage against the machine feel or hard rock. but any way you got some good lines in there.

PS - GO THE SOCCEROOS!!!!!!!!!!!
- Satch is awsome -
#6
Yeah, 3 and 4 are problem areas. I'll try fixing them over the next few days. The swearing is something i'll also try and fix a bit. Thanks for the help.
#7
This just seems like one bit moan at everything, and the excessive swearing, screaming and general lack of any poetic devices just proves the point.

I take it from what you said, and wrote, that this is either your first, or an early attempt at songwriting. I suggest taking a look at the lyrics tips thread on how to write in a better way. I gaurantee you it helps. I would suggest leaving this alone and getting as far away as possible, and look back on this every 6 months and go "Wow. I have improved so much since then. Thats crap."

Good luck with your writing
#8
Yeah, its my first ever attempt. Quite frankly i never expected to make something that i was going to be proud of for years to come. Just figured if i was ever going to start, i need to start somewhere. Thanks for your help guys, i'll check out that thread, and post some more songs in the future.