#1
this is the second song i've written, s'called dark place, let us know what you think.

through the years ive tried to compensate
for the part of me that needs to hate
you controlled the balance within my mind
but now the harmony's gone, its just a matter of time
before the fury inside is released once more
from the dead black heart you ripped and tore

cos i can feel the storm inside
burning a hole straight through my mind
and the blinding hate which chokes my heart
is making me tear myself apart


cos you unlocked a part of me
one that i hoped you'd never see
and you let out the part of me
and now i fear what you set free


so now im trapped inside this cage
crippled by this blinding rage
locked in the dark place inside my head
walking between alive and dead
but the dispair creeps back in the dead of the night
when im my own worst enemy how can i fight

for the liars, for the used
for the fakes, for the abused
on trial for this hatred
for your crimes i stand accused


cos you unlocked a part of me
one that i hoped you'd never see
and you let out the part of me
and now i fear what you set free


im tired of the games you play with me
and treating me like your property
im breaking down, cant take it no more
cos im scared of this place, and ive been here before
the primal depths of the back of my mind
where i drowned in the hatred i thought i left behind


and i remember why i locked it away
cos its my dearly loved who are the ones that pay
#2
I like this song. its full of rhyming, which is good. and you chose good words for the song.
cos you unlocked a part of me
one that i hoped you'd never see
and you let out the part of me
and now i fear what you set free

that part is pretty dull, maybe you could change it. overall this is a decent song. 8/10
B.C. RICH
#3
I looked at the last word of each line, and saw it was AABB RIGHT THE WAY THROUGH apart from the bridge, and seemed forced and quite out of place.

It was the rhyming that killed this for me. It just got tedious, and I kept thinking how much better this could be if you weren't limiting yourself to only the words that fit your rhyme scheme. I do think you could make this better and improve it by far by changeing the rhyme scheme and therefore giving yourself a wider use of vocabularly you could use to let the reader know what is happening, what your feeling etc.

I would recommmend the lyrics tips thread to you for help on improving your writing

Good Luck.