#1
It's a little different than my usual style, but I liked it. I liked writing this one, and I still like it... but what do YOU think? That's what I want to know, so comment, and if you leave a link i'll crit back. Much thanks.


She stands in a pile of broken glass, the echos ricochet off the shadowed walls. Seven years of misfortune but it's better than the silent agony she's endured for so long now. Her hand bleeds from the impact. She steals out of the room and runs out of the empty house into the dark and moonless night, not knowing or caring what lies beyond her next step. And as a hand grasps her shoulder, she turns to face--

--Him.

And she remembers a day that they were so close they were almost one,
And she remembers what it was to be held so tenderly...

She hates the monster she's become, hidden away and forgotten for so many years. She despises but holds dear the scars that grace her wrists, and she longs to bleed. She wants to feel alive again, but no one hears her tears, her screams, the pleas for mercy. Leave her alone so we can move on, she's just a minor interruption. Emo kid, she slits her wrists like the rest of them, and why should we care? She's a stereotype to all of us, to everyone but--

--Him.

And she remembers a day that they were so close they were almost one,
And she remembers what it was to be held so tenderly...
#3
not all emos slit their wrists you know, its such a steriotype on this forum. I have loads of friends who are emos and they dont go around being depressed and comitting suicide all the time.
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#4
are you a girl??? hahah probably a stupid ? im not being sexist if you are
crit my new one werewolf
#5
Please stop thinking that emos slit their wrists. It's not a song from the heart...
#7
Ok, i'm not gonna tear into you about the whole emo wrist slitting thing. It's a good song but, the layout does make it difficult to read and understand the flow, and, not that i care, but perhaps emo cliches should be avoided in the future. Just a thought. Please crit my new song 'Everyone has a story to tell'
#8
ok.... here is my thinking.

this is, as it said, an autobiography... the emo-slit-wrist thing - yes, it's supposed to be a play on the cliche. i know not all emos slit their wrists...

So that is from someone else's perspective. I dont' know who, and I don't much care.

If it sounded like it wasn't from the heart, well. It started out NOT about me, and it turned into my life.

Yes, I'm a girl.

No, I'm not stupid.

And I don't plan to crit Werewolf unless I feel "led" to do so, becuase I did not get any concrete criticism from you at ALL.

So if anyone has something meaningful to add, that would be great. Thank you.
#9
Quote by ch715dallat
i dont really like emo songs to be honest but it seemed well written and thought out but i think u should lay it out better by skipping a line for each line of song so its easier to read.

If u get a chance check out my 2 songs:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=378536
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=378103


I'm not sure how I want it played yet. but I got to your songs there.
#10
written well, I liked it, mine was not about suicide though, at all, I can see how it would seem like that but its more of how the way my life is going right now it seems like I cant escape my fate