#1
Verse
Woke up a week ago, and i'm still trying to sleep since
My mind is wandering, to the blissful hours i spent asleep
If i clench my fist, my fingers send me stabbing pain
My arms feel crippled, yet treatment brings me no gain

Verse 2
This silence is hell, i need noise to survive
The amp's full volume, gives my ears it's only solace
If my ears aren't ringing, my brain can't recognise a sound
Am I a cripple, deaf or an insomniac?

Chorus
Just give me mercy, just switch it off
I'm not fit for another second of life
I don't mind the pain, i've endured it since birth
Just assist my suicide

Final Chorus
Don't leave me lying here, just finish it now
A stone-dead carcass, cannot give evidence against you
Give me mercy, and make it quick
Just assist my suicide


As for the music....think Offspring/Alkaline Trio
Thanks
#2
When i hear that i diffently dont think Offspring or alkain trio i think of my chemical romance or something much darker, the song is ok has some good thoughts but i didn't make a connection with any certain parts it just sounded like it when on and on about how life is bad to much self loathing
#3
I've always been a big tool fan, and I like the way how you really have to dig to get what they're saying. It would probably be cooler to make it more subtle like tool rather than just saying you want to shoot yourself. (you were talking about yourself right? if not, then ignore my dumb ass comments).
Nirvana
Good Charlotte, Simple Plan
#4
ye thanks for the crit so far...
It does drag on a bit about that, ye
btw just to clear a point, i didn't say the lyrics were 'offpring' or 'alkaline trio', i said the music we play for it sounds a bit like them
Thanks again for the crit so far
#5
Woke up a week ago, and i'm still trying to sleep since

The grammar is wrong so not a strong opener. However, the rest appears to be standard but maybe a more off hand approach is needed to really bring through the emotions and aid you in avoiding some new wave emo cliches.

I think it'll fit in with the music that you sent me on powertab though. IT reminds me more of Skiba vocally
#7
I like the chorus a lot, but I'm not sure about the verses. and Offspring/Alkaline Trio type music would go great with this song. 8 out of 10.
B.C. RICH
#9
Quote by guitar?
The second verse does not rhyme. And neither does the final chorus. You should add another verse in ther to make it louder. But thw eriting was pretty good.

crit mine please https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=378857


Thnx for the crits so far. The lines are not really meant to rhyme, it's just a co-incidence that the 1st verse does....
And (i might be stupid here but...) how can another verse make it LOUDER?
#10
You could have a key change, move everything up and go all dramatic.