#1
We had to write a thing in school about the trail of tears, nothing big, just a short poem. Its the first thing ive written for a while so i decided to post it. I know its not really lyrics but o well, its still writing. I will crit back if you give a link. Yea, I took that last line of the first stanza from my piece for the 10 word lyric comp but I liked that line and thought it would be good for my school thing.

Fears and Tears

The Trail of Tears was indeed a trail of fears
Thirst for gold left so many out in the cold
All men are created equal yet we took away their homes
Our greed encased them like a tightly wrapped ribbon

Out on the trail many of them survived
Surprisingly enough, more so than those who died
But even so, what a horrible crime to take a life
But Andrew Jackson did not care
He wanted the gold and needed the Indians out of his hair

Of course their were some who did not agree
Some, who understood the horridness, like you and me
If only more people saw things like them
We could have avoided this shameful display
Of our countries greediness, with President Jackson leading the way

What misery we bestowed upon them as they walked on that trail
Prisoners of their own fears
We unfailingly marched them without refrain
By the time it ended, many had felt the cold caress of death
And in this grim manner, relieved of their pain
"Imagine all the people, sharing all the world"
-John Lennon
#2
During the first two lines you had in line rhyming. The next two lines did not even rhyme. Thats weird. And some of the rest of the rhyming was kind of weird aswell. And I did not like the word choice that much. It just felt like I read the same stanza 4 times in a row. But for a school report it is pretty good. Those always are hard to do.

Crit mine please https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=378857
#4
Yea I get what you guys are saying, my teacher gave us 30 minutes to do it so I was kinda rushed. But thanks for your time, ill be sure to get back to you with a crit.
"Imagine all the people, sharing all the world"
-John Lennon
#5
i liked what you said but as the previous posters said it's sort of jumbled, which makes it hard to follow at times. a better flow would improve this immensely, i think there's potential in here.