#1
I wanna know what you think so far. crit for crit.

VERSE 1
You leech off other people
Some kinda parasite
You're just feasting on their fears
Though you know it isn't right
You may think you have it all,
They won't put up a fight
But step back and think again
It's gonna end tonight

CHORUS
You're just a zombie
And you aren't fooling me
You're just a zombie
That's all you'll ever be
You're just a zombie
And I won't let you control me

VERSE 2
I will not be your victim
Your soul to eat away
You've been pushing us around
Each and every day
It won't happen anymore
I have the strength to say
You've been at it for too long
It's time for you to pay

(CHORUS)

BRIDGE
Now the tables have turned
And I have learned
You're nothing but a lie
You've had your fun
And now it is done
It's time for you to die

(CHORUS TWICE)

Leave a crit please!
B.C. RICH
Last edited by b.c.rich rules at Jul 8, 2006,
#4
i dont see the problem with verse 2 i liked it maybe it didnt fit with 'guitar?'s rythm for the first verse but it flowed with the rythme i had in my head, nice effort 8.5/10 like th echorus too, this song is different, when every1s writing their emo songs about killing themselves and ****.
Off the topic, u know th eway u have the little pic of the 2 guys shooting and the song names at the bottom of all you're posts how do u do that, cos i wanna put the names of my songs at the bottom of my posts.
Check out my new song, if u get a chance:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=378536
#5
Quote by ch715dallat
i dont see the problem with verse 2 i liked it maybe it didnt fit with 'guitar?'s rythm for the first verse but it flowed with the rythme i had in my head, nice effort 8.5/10 like th echorus too, this song is different, when every1s writing their emo songs about killing themselves and ****.
Off the topic, u know th eway u have the little pic of the 2 guys shooting and the song names at the bottom of all you're posts how do u do that, cos i wanna put the names of my songs at the bottom of my posts.
Check out my new song, if u get a chance:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=378536


thanks for your crit, I appreciate it! and about the picture of the smileys blowing the hell out of each other, go to "my account",then go to "edit signature". thats where you can type stuff like that.
B.C. RICH
#6
Nice! Flows near enough flawlessly and has a great metaphor, job-eth nice-eth. Please crit my new song 'Everyone has a story to tell'
#7
You have a good theme, but some of the passages seemed a bit hasty to me. You need to add a little bit more.
#8
Quote by b.c.rich rules
thanks for your crit, I appreciate it! and about the picture of the smileys blowing the hell out of each other, go to "my account",then go to "edit signature". thats where you can type stuff like that.


Thanks man
#9
I enjoyed it, very uncliché (especially with the zombie theme!) and good ways of rhyming. 8,5/10

Crit mine? They're in my sig!
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#11
Yeah that would work, it would give some mood to the song. Mix with different things though!
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#13
i really liked it.... it flows really good,awsome theme to,thanks for the crit
#17
pretty good flow to it.
zombies are used a lot by bands though.
but so is everything else.

8 / 10

which is 10 being good.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

-Phyllis Diller