#1
I'm confined to the small space in my head
While tears stream down your face.
Can you not see the romance is dead?
We can no longer dance with such elegant grace.

So now you know how i have been,
So I must say, Merci, Pour le Venin.

You used to wake up thinking of me
And I couldn't think of what to do.
You had a good idea what you wanted us to be,
But I no longer think of you.

So now you know how i have been,
So I must say, Merci, Pour le Venin.

People think you're just another notch on my belt
But to me you were something more.
You will never know the pain i felt,
Now my eyes are swollen, red and sore.

So now you know how i have been,
So I must say, Merci, Pour le Venin.


Tell me what you think please. now all I have to do is put music to it, which is a lot harder than I thought...
#4
Well, if im going to be honest, it was pretentious.
Only cool thing about it was the phrase, and the words you placed it with IMO was just bad.
I know you're going through that "emo-artsy" phase atm, I went through it before, dont worry, your writing will eventually mature.
My main problem with this is you were taking various overused phrases and just using them, and also, when you weren't doing that, your lyrics were just plain bad, this part sums it up:

"You used to wake up thinking of me
And I couldn't think of what to do.
You had a good idea what you wanted us to be,
But I no longer think of you."


My constructive advice to you is, try to be original, i'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but I saw nearly no originality. Also, don't force yourself to write, I do that sometimes and I come up with the biggest hunks of **** I've ever read, do it when you feel it will be fun, if you get inspired or are full of emotion.