#1
Ok, for starters I have been working heavily this past week(end) so I didnt get to do those 3-4 crits I owe but they will be coming

Most of these new pieces are more experimental from me, so take each as is and any comments/crits to help will be returned whenever I get the time....but will be returned.


Krystals And Kaverns (When The Mystic Cave Zone Was Raped Of All Its Ore)

Murkiness.
As the charcoal pearls dribble down the subterranean walls
Conforming to the conception of a schism
Brought about by the scabrous gravel which pierces the obscure forms of
Diminishing light.

And the sole survivor is lementing his grand circumstance, as his genesis stares at.

Stalactites and stalagmites
Two unique commonalities yet quite pivotal to the understanding of
The perceptivity of the mastery involved with the concept of exhuming
Will he be impaled between the two as the pressure of his doubtful catechism increases?
Or will his decisions liberate him from being chosen caliph
In this post-destructive sublunary world.

And the sole survivor is unbalanced in his vernacular, as his genesis accents the continuous.

Murkiness.
Obscurity brought about by the oncoming fluctuation of unquestioned answers
Yet, trust is laid down upon the diluted, grimy, clay-ridden earth
Crystallizing into one of the most grotesque creatures ever to be seen
This obsidian mass.
Discovered for what purpose?
For what was seen in the reflection was enough to.

But he already knew the conclusion.
Can You Fill In The Blanks?
Last edited by xArCaDiAx at Jun 20, 2006,
#2
wow dude this is MAD!!! i like that second part about the stalagmites & stalagtites... that set a really clear picture in my head.... keep this up... id give it a 10/10.... dont change anything!!!
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Im saying this the straightest way possible, but...

I'd have sexual intercourse with your anus.
#3
Dude, over doing it, seriously:

Murkiness.
Obscurity brought about by the oncoming fluctuation of unquestioned answers
Yet, trust is laid down upon the diluted, grimy, clay-ridden earth

What the ****, come on buddy, you're just describing for the sake of description, there's no emotion in your imagery, it's just there, it lacks substance.

You always do this, you just describe ****, there's nothing really behind it, you're stuck in the days of yore, back when Steve ruled these boards and description was all the rage.

Show some emotion.

And return this crit.
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#5
Thanks Nickel.

Matt, to be honest it just came naturally. I didnt intend for it to seem the way you read it, but to me the emotion and actions is hidden behind the word choice. But as I said, I havent written anything in a while, so maybe divulging into the old style will help me branch out into a new one.

Dylan, hopefully
Can You Fill In The Blanks?
#6
alright, so you seem to really want to mask your intentions through layer upon layer of obscure descriptions, and thats cool and all, hell, it even creates a cool monotome effect, however, the problem lies in the fact that your blocking the true idea of the piece too much.

for what its worth, you have a hell of a philosophical piece here, alot of questioning life, existence, fate, my fear is that all this amounts to absalute nothing, no greater purpose nor symbolism. I really wanna believe that theres more to this than the surface, I really do, but I'm never going to be able to find out with a piece walled of by description.

well, those are my two cents, spend them on what you will