#1
With open arms embrace the silence
Black clouds on red horizons
Songs of truth of which we say
?They lie to us each and every day?

A broken book left in the cold
Frozen words from stories told
A message sent but never read
Fades away with the paper and the lead

Take my hand
And fade away like candles in the dark
Nothing to hold
Forever we are falling apart

With open arms embrace the silence
Black clouds on red horizons
Songs of truth of which we say
?They f*ck us up each and every day?

Take my hand
And fade away like candles in the dark
Nothing to hold
Forever we are falling apart
Blah.
#2
I think it's pretty good. The only thing I think needs to be changed is the word "the" for "and the lead." The last line in second stanza. "Fades away with the paper and lead." Good job.
#3
I like it minus one line... "Fades away with the paper and the lead" This particular line feels forced.... at least thats the feeling I get, other than that great word usage... as far as meaning, maybe its because i havent slept since 6 a.m. yesterday but I'm having a bit of trouble comprehending the overall meaning behind your work.... (or maybe its because im a podunk country boy from texas.... who knows?) anyhoo, in general i like it... kinda catchy
#4
Thanks

i dont really write songs that ryhme but i thought id try something different...

which kinda explains the forced-ness
Blah.
#5
Good writing.

This part:

Take my hand
And fade away like candles in the dark
Nothing to hold
Forever we are falling apart

Is excellent. I loved that.
#6
I liked it, it has a feeling of emptines around it and i like that kind of songwriting (not that im negative or something, but it puts my mind to work and think about aspects of life).

I would've changed some minor things like:
With open arms embrace the silence
Black clouds float on red horizons

for the flow-issue, but its not really nessicary, just personal flavour i guess hehe, good job!
#8
Not to seem like a selfish prick or anything, but, could you perhaps check either one of my songs?
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#9
i liked it, sometimes the rhyming was a little graining but yeah nice work misterrr.
Quote by Jaret Reddick
wake me up when september ends makes me cry evry time!

emos forever
:-(
#10
good song man especially"With open arms embrace the silence
Black clouds on red horizons"
#11
i dont get it are u giving us the right to take these songs and maybe let our bands perform ?
#13
Quote by gtr-boy
i dont get it are u giving us the right to take these songs and maybe let our bands perform ?


no

posting the lyrics on here is just to get another perspective on the writing
Blah.