#1
Im pretty happy with this song, so i probably won't make any changes, unless some are suggested

(Verse 1)
I look at a picture of my former self
What happened to the purity of youth?
Is it washed away with kerosene?
And shoots up in fervent flames
Well if it does why do I feel cold?
From laughing in the rain
Amused, as age brings a throbbing
To a juvenile numbskull

(Verse 2)
I could see that you weren?t joking
I could see it fall from the sky
No warning, or heeding, left me there bleeding
Total internal surprise
Can you remember five years ago?
I wouldn?t know the meaning of life
A vital secret that was best kept
From an immature befuddled fool

(Chorus)
I can?t say,
That I am sleeping well these days
Full of disarray,
Pounding the walls of my cranium
One of these days,
I won?t fall asleep at all
My thoughts are too involving
And my eyes are as vast as my pain

(Verse 3)
I look at an image of my earlier self
What happened to my f***ing youth?
[Shouts next line]
It burnt away in fervent flames!

(Bridge)
Up in flames and burns away
Is it too late to say? X4 [gradually builds to final chorus]

(Chorus)
I can?t say,
That I am sleeping well these days
Full of disarray,
Pounding the walls of my cranium
One of these days,
I won?t fall asleep at all
My thoughts are too damn boring
And my mind wishes I had some thing else to do
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#2
This is a tricky one, the lyrics in themselves are good but the flow tends to lose itself at some points and it would proabally be better with a consistent ryhme scheme. But yeah nice song 6.5/10. Please crit my new song 'Everyone has a story to tell'
#3
I like the chorus...nice flow.
And the bridge...I could hear a close-harmony choir sing it (though that might not be the idea).
Though I dislike cursing in song...an occasional f*** is ok especially if it is well place like here. Plus here it give an extra punch to the next line which is shouted.
So nice work.
On the sixth day God created mankind, I say it is a waste of time.
My project: _simple_city
#4
I liked the rhyming, although the "disarray" rhyme seemed forced, I felt like you could have put something better there. I thought the flow was sketchy at parts, and the burning and bleeding ideas have kind of become cliched. But don't be mislead by this crit, I like the entire song as a whole. Nice job.