#1
i havent posted a song in a while. i hope you guys like it i might add some more but i need crits for what ive got so i dont continue yet another horrible poem

Casualty

I?m just another casualty,
Hopelessly hoping,
That the world will soon pass me by,

And yet I stand here acknowledged,
Feeling the bitter taste of regret,
Sour these memories I share with you,
But still I will never forget,

I?m just another casualty,
Hopelessly hoping,
That the world will soon pass me by,

Though we all look up to the stars,
And wish upon great things,
Soon no one will notice me,
For I?m just another casualty,

thnx
#2
Yeah its good, but there are one or two things i would change:
"Hopelessly hoping" umm not sure it works, and the very last line of the song, breaks the rhythm of what i think is a great verse, maybe one or two, too many syllables in it. But i did quite enjoy it, keep it up! i'll give it 6.5 out of 10
crit mine please? Choose the bottom one in my sig. (not many comments lol )

"Feeling the bitter taste of regret" - just great
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#4
The subject is definatly easy to relate too. But the poem doesn't have much flow. At first look this looks like a punk rock poem. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just hard to come original in the punk scene. I'm hearing power chords and guitar walls in my head, if that helps you know where I'm coming from.