#1
This is a song about a child abuse... theres not alot to it really but tips would be appreciated. It's fairly slow but the chorus gets a bit heavier, & thats why everythings really short... it goes for 2 mins though... enjoy... crit 4 crit...

Spread Your Wings

Just beat me, relieve me, & for get how old I am.
Mislead me, decieve me, hit me as hard as you can.
So help me.

Chorus
Let me go, spread my wings, let me fly... cause you can hit me now...
And i wont mind

You left me, to clean, my own cuts & bruises up.
In the dark, feeling far, squeezing my battered eyes shut.
So help me
(I know you wont)

Chorus
Let me go, spread my wings, let me fly... cause you can hit me now...
And i wont mind

Just beat me, relieve me, & for get how old I am.
Mislead me, decieve me, hit me as hard as you can.
So help me. (you cant see...
And I know that you wont)

Chorus
Let me go, spread my wings, let me fly... cause you can hit me now...
And i wont mind.
Smack me low, 6 feet down, live off guilt... cause you can hit me now...
I can't feel...


In the end (if i didn't get the message through clear enough...) he/her's dead...
Well thanks 4 reading!!!
Quote by Lord_Of_Dance.

I never understood why a girl would take a boner as a bad thing "Oh no, your attracted to me, you sick wanker." :\ x


Quote by Nelsean
Im saying this the straightest way possible, but...

I'd have sexual intercourse with your anus.
#2
I think the message came through well enough, Although it seems a bit.... disorganized? however you might have had that intention.... just a thought but maybe change up the whole usage of the first verse twice?.... it seems to be missing (i dunno what word im looking for) something to tie it all together?... or maybe im wrong... i dunno ive been up all night.... crit 4 crit? mines "Sick and Tired" its on the first page... b.t.w. i still enjoyed your song.... made me stop and think about the subject at hand...
#3
Quote by C@sper
I think the message came through well enough, Although it seems a bit.... disorganized? however you might have had that intention.... just a thought but maybe change up the whole usage of the first verse twice?.... it seems to be missing (i dunno what word im looking for) something to tie it all together?... or maybe im wrong... i dunno ive been up all night.... crit 4 crit? mines "Sick and Tired" its on the first page... b.t.w. i still enjoyed your song.... made me stop and think about the subject at hand...


the last verse which is the same as the first verse has a different sort of riff behind it, but in the song it fits in... the change of the riff & the way its sung ties it all together & in the end its sung slow & serious... iv worked on this song most of all of mine... but thanks for the crit!!!
Quote by Lord_Of_Dance.

I never understood why a girl would take a boner as a bad thing "Oh no, your attracted to me, you sick wanker." :\ x


Quote by Nelsean
Im saying this the straightest way possible, but...

I'd have sexual intercourse with your anus.