#1
anyone wants to crit I will crit you back

Now listen all lovers.
I?m hearing it again.
Sounds from the wind blowing,
Blowing up dust form the bitter ends.

And I know your running besides me.
And I know it?s hard.
To keep this pace ongoing.
But let?s face this fast.

Hold up your head,
And ride out this storm.
Hold up your head,
And ride out this storm.

Now Hope is something to cling to
When love,
love is on hold.
Let your guard down slightly,
And welcome this cold.

Hold your head on tightly
And Let love,
Love lose its grip.
Others are feeling this to,
With shivering lips.

And I know your running besides me.
And I know it?s hard .
To keep this pace ongoing?
But let?s face this fast.

And while I?m thinking of you,
I hope your.
Thinking of,
Thinking of,
Thinking of,
Thinking of me.

Hold up your head,
And ride out this storm.
Hold up your head ,
And ride out this storm.
Last edited by Glenn James at Jun 22, 2006,
#2
Nice to see you again mate

To the piece, I don't think it was your best, sorry. I felt that it didn't really get going, to be honest. Maybe it's just me, who knows, but I do think that this didn't do your skills justice. This just didn't seem to progress at all, like each stanza was written to convey the same point, and it didn't change. Or maybe I'm just having a bad day

Anyways, not your best, methinks, but it is great to see you back here. Hope you stick around.
#3
Cheers Jammy, no worries mate,I guess I can't keep writing classics lol.
But nice of you to have a read bud. Hope you keeping well mate.
#4
I'm keeping fine, I hope you are to my friend.

Do you thin kthere's any chance of a critique back, when you're next around? Been in a block of late, and would love to hear your verdict on th epiece which I hope has got me out.

Here is my latest, many thanks if you do get round to it
#5
Evening, Glenn.

I'm going to pretty much echo what was said above. This wasn't your best piece. You've only used pretty simple words and the rhythm is somewhat lacking. The main positive is that is sounds AOR, a bit of REO Speedwagon perhaps.

My favourite part was the opening stanza. It was terrific and I felt a bit disappointed that you didn't use the rhythm in other stanzas. Being one of the best songwriters on this forum, I'm sure if you do decide to come back to this in the future and fart about with it, you could make this a lot better than it is.

A pretty poor attempt with flashes of greatness. But, as I've said before, keep 'em coming.
#6
Sounds like an R.E.M ballad; i like R.E.M.
But really, i hear what the other chaps have said and i agree to a certain extend but i do believe that you don't have to have a mind-blowingly complex vocabulary to make a good song (which would fit this piece down to a tee).

Like i say, it is basic, but Glenn=Simple and simple is great when Glenn=writing!
Seriously, i really liked this simply (no pun intended) because it's well thought out and written; it has meaning.

So for me personally, ok it lacks a wee bit of rhythm but nothing that a good ol' tune won't sort out but i really like it. Simplistic genius.

Could you crit one (or two if you're VERY bored :p of mine? There's my two latest in my sig; my third one this month is dead and burried. Gracias amigo.
#7
It's good, I like it, but certain things in the song just didn't fit.

1) I felt that the word 'ongoing' didn't really fit, I don't know whether you used it to put more complicated words in the song compared to the simple words that the song mostly comprises of (breathes) but i think 'going' still would of gave the same impression and would fit rythmically (sp?).

2) 5th paragraph down, you've used rhyming in the song and this verse/paragraph/whatever seems too out there with not rhyming, now unless you've done this deliberlatly (made the verse stand out but not rhyming) but it seems to have made the song lose rhythm, makes it lose its pace.

Hopefully this helps but otherwise i've killed some time.
Life is My Mistake, the Responsibility Held By No One Else
I'm Leaving Footprints in the Ashes of the Fallen
#10
Afternoon Daemonika, cheers for the crit mate nice to hear from you again. I will have a tinker, but the tune is pretty good so hopefully it'll work out fine. It has just two messages and that is probably why it doesn't feel like it turns into much else from the first stanza. Thanks mate.

Thanks Caz glad you liked mate and compliments help my head grow big and strong, so thanks.

Shredder I was thinking about the ongoing too, so cheers for pointing it out and the rhyming in that verse is just how it came out and I never really try to stick to any formula, but thanks for the crit, appreciate it.

Thanks amplify and Smoothrider, I am real pleased you like it.