#1
Smokin Blues

*Chorus*
Blues, blues,
Please stay with me.
I need to know. Should I,
think of a memory?
And then just stay,
dreamin of you
while I,
pla-ay the small time blues.
*Chorus*


Thinking how it used to be.
Does she still remember me?
Or does she live in pain?
In a world that's insane!
I will play the blues again.
Just for you.

*Chorus*

Sodom and Gomorrah,
Are not a patch on now.
I used to belive more,
Now I don't know what's instore.
Mother earth is a *****!
But it's not all true.

*Chorus*

Needles replace grass,
Smoke blows over clouds.
Leaving reality by,
To get the cheapest ticket to cloud nine.
The bloody hands are not mine.
It's down to you.

*Chorus*
Member #29 of the Fender Armada. Pm Arlabester...
Co-Founder of the UG Hippie Club! PM me or Blynd_Snyper to join!

My Gear:
Fender Highway 1 Tele
Fender Blues Junior Amp
Korg Multi effects pedal
Peavey Millenium Bass
Peavey Bass Amp
#2
On the decency of the chorus and last two verses, I definitely think you can improve the first verse, so that it's more writing and less questions. 7/10.

But a nice l'il piece. blues, yes?

thanks for the crit on mine, much appreciated.
#3
ok great thanks. i wasnt sure about that 1st verse myself but wasnt sure how to change it but ill get to work right away.

and no probs im glad 2 help. if u hav ne more songs let me know and ill crit them 2
Member #29 of the Fender Armada. Pm Arlabester...
Co-Founder of the UG Hippie Club! PM me or Blynd_Snyper to join!

My Gear:
Fender Highway 1 Tele
Fender Blues Junior Amp
Korg Multi effects pedal
Peavey Millenium Bass
Peavey Bass Amp
#4
I agree, the first verse could use some touching up but other than that I like it.... (dont really have anything else to crit about this one....) change the first verse up a smidge and you'll have a 8 or 9/10
#5
I like it, simple, not too fancy. The chorus and the last two versus especially. The first verse needs a little work I think. I don't know what music it's meant to go with but would "In a world that's gone insane!" sound better, just an idea.

p.s thanks for the crit much appreciated.
#6
ya the first verse isnt the best
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