#1
I just wrote this today. I wrote this very differently then I usually write, so I am currently undecided on whether it is good or not. I'd love some critiquing of it so I can improve this piece! Crit for crit, o' course.

Symphony of Silence
(June 21, 2006)

I love these empty days
When I lay in the green grass
In perfect solitude
The noiseless breeze bends noiseless trees
As the storm clouds drift away

In this emerald field
I forget my pain and cares
For just a little while
This silent peace makes weeping cease
As the broken hearted are healed

While I?m quietly renewed
An eerie silence surrounds me
And tricks my childish mind
I dream that I have gone to sleep
And I quietly dream of you

So come along with me
And get lost in this silent symphony
Listen to the harmony
And let it take you to where blind men see

I recall memories
In this pseudo-reality
Like brilliant photographs
Of your laughing eyes and cloudy skies
Beside the blue-green sea

So come along with me
And get lost in this silent symphony
Listen to the harmony
And let it take you to where blind men see

Then my loom runs out of thread
And I return to the eerie calm
In this strange, sunny field
I rise with a sigh and glance to the sky
Which is gathering dark with dread
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
#2

While I?m quietly renewed
An eerie silence surrounds me
And tricks my childish mind
I dream that I have gone to sleep
And I quietly dream of you

This is the only thing I don't like. Just the user of "quietly" twice in the verse, when I read it, it felt strange to say it again. But that's probably just me.
Everything else was very nice, I liked it a lot.

#3
hmmm... yeah... that was intentional. Perhaps you're right, though. As I re-read it, I see how it's a little clumsy because of the repetition. Thanks a ton!
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)