#1
this is what i came up with today ay comments or suggestions let me know it is the first song i have written lyrics for so go easy. also this song has no chorus just solos after every coulpe of verses

i once knew a girl with the biggest green eyes
she laghed a little and then waved good bye
i remember her face to this very day
if she didn't love me why did she stay
solo
she said she was going to a mountain top
don't laeve me baby we still got a shot
left me a note that didn;t say much
said she'd call me but we never got in touch
hope some day i'll see that girl again
and my love for her will never end
solo
with my guitar in my hand and you by my side
this stange life is a hell of a ride
long solo
thought by now i could find another
someone else i could call a lover
little did i know you'd be in my mind
stay there for ever until the end of time
what's wrong with the life you chose to live
so much more to have and even more to give
Quote by steven seagull
Can I save money by using lightbulbs instead of tubes - will energy saving lightulbs last even longer?

Quote by latinosuperstud
if i buy a les paul studio and walk out into public a man in a clown and/or gorilla suit named tyrese, will come attack me and/or rape me
#2
i liked this song a lot, i want to hear it played. i would add another verse, to finish it and give it a punch. i would also advise a chorus, but i like it, you should get in touch with me, i always like writting with others

shellshocked08 is my aim
#3
anyone else? crit 4 crit.
Quote by steven seagull
Can I save money by using lightbulbs instead of tubes - will energy saving lightulbs last even longer?

Quote by latinosuperstud
if i buy a les paul studio and walk out into public a man in a clown and/or gorilla suit named tyrese, will come attack me and/or rape me
#4
Cool. I would love to hear an audio version, but don't rush it. Sounds pretty cool to me. Reminds me of the format of "Cortez the Killer" kinda...

Like I said, an audio would be nice, but take your time on it. I'm interested...
#5
very nice song, but as smooth said, i think a chours might be something you will have to work on.

the over all tone of the lyrics is very nice and i can totaly relate to it.

good song so far!
#6
Personally, a chorus ruins this song IMO. This song is meant to be free flowing and kinda takes the listener through a series of turns, so a chorus isn't really need IMO.
#9
larry jones is right here the song is suposed to just let the person drift where ever it takes them and i tried it with a chorus but it didn't feel right to me
Quote by steven seagull
Can I save money by using lightbulbs instead of tubes - will energy saving lightulbs last even longer?

Quote by latinosuperstud
if i buy a les paul studio and walk out into public a man in a clown and/or gorilla suit named tyrese, will come attack me and/or rape me