#1
hey guys i just finished this song and theres some parts i dont like about it. i need some help so feel free to add anything cuz i think it still needs work i just dont know what.


il speak to through sound proof glass
showing these words were more powerful than that
bringing back memories that were always suposed to last


[what happend to the times we had
holding the world in out very hands
never looking back
all the times we had]

so then that day u thought you found better
left me waiting
i would wait always and forever
but that forever wouldnt always last <<(i dont reely like this part)


[what happend to the times we had
holding the world in out very hands
not just the world but each other]

then that day u left again
left me balling
i was on my knees and crawling
that night i wished i could die
slit wrists didnt help the fact of u with another guy

[what happend to the times we had
holding the world in out very hands
never looking back
all the good times we had]

then that day you finally came back
but this time notheng to offer
nothing like before
but this time my feelings are a little less softer <<(i dont reely like this part either)


[what happend to the times we had
holding the world in out very hands
not just the world but each other]
#2
i like this, good wording. 8/10 overall.


crit my piece "Mandy" if you care to, im seriosly needing some feedback on that.
Member #57 of The Weezer Fan Club