#1
This is a poem I wrote, maybe a year ago. Any crit or rating (1-10) would be greatly appreciated. THX.

MARRED

I've never wondered why,
She chose not to live, but die.
A normal little girl,
Born in a cruel, cruel world.

She started her life fine,
The life of the divine.
But secretly she wondered,
Quiet often did she ponder.

Why would her very own father,
Choose to defile his daughter.
He didn't think she knew it was wrong,
But she knew it all along.

She despised him for what he'd done,
Causing her pain, she felt like no one.
He hit her, called her a miserable whelp,
But not ever once did she ask for help.

She took her emotions and threw them away,
Locked in a box, where they would stay.
So she grew up in this house,
Often wondering when he'd come again.

Her mother touched the scars,
Through her iron bars,
Prison was her home,
The abuse to her unknown.

She went home once again,
This time protected by her friends.
As long as they lingered here,
She would have no fear.

But once they left her home,
The more pain that she was shown.
He cursed her everyday, after he'd had his fill,
He crushed her spirit, and broke her will.

He would complain,"You're not even trying,"
She'd just stay quiet, silently crying.
After he had finished, he said he'd be back tomorrow,
She just lay there broken, drowning in her sorrow.

The next month she laid there and cried,
Tightly clutching her sides.
She was carrying a little one,
She frantically searched for her gun.

She didn't want her child to go through this pain,
Not the torture of playing her father's cruel games.
She raised the gun and took their lives away,
For how could he continue his game with no one left to play.
My Gear:
Agile - 2000 W/ EMG 81/85
Fender 112 Stageman
Boss DS-1 Distortion
Digitech Rp100
Yamaha Ac/El
#3
Pre deep...as a poem, its quite good. I like the ending too, probably the most emotional part. 8
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too
#4
thx guys, keep em coming :
My Gear:
Agile - 2000 W/ EMG 81/85
Fender 112 Stageman
Boss DS-1 Distortion
Digitech Rp100
Yamaha Ac/El
#5
this is a sucker for poetry talking. AWSOME. I really liked it, emotional and brilliant to boot, awsome job.