#1
We shiver and acknowledge the glimpse we had of the dreamlike utopia is fading with our every motion.
Still we come, blessed with our purity seeking out the promised.
The land, the hope, the unrealistic glimmer we had of converging with something far beyond what was sought after at first.
Darkness follows like vultures, while the pace quickens, steadily moving away from everything we thought of as ficitious.
Our hearts beat like the hummingbird's wings, by now we surely are afraid.
Life never knew anything before it was given to these once heroic.
The nomads, seeking freedom, seeking everything that might seem good in this sinful world.
Finally life, was truly alive. Yearning every bit of oxygen. Feeling every bit of pain.
Thankful and content with what it finally was given:
Desert riders with nothing to lose.
The knights of the shining automobiles, protected by horses out of pure metal
Keep riding the metal horse
'Till promise land awaits
'till the loved and lost brandish their sword like arms directly at us
And when we come to that moment.
We finally found what we were looking for.
Still we wanted something more.
The greed we bear
As a wound bleeding the darkest color, as if to show us that our souls are nothing more.
Bleed away my once faithful heart.
Bleed away my once fervent core.

Crit for crit.
#3
protected by horses out of pure metal Keep riding the metal horse..............thats the only part id change good work
#4
ok, this song/poem is one of the best things ive read on here in a long time. i love the first 4 lines, after that its not as good but still decent. i like it alot. i would change ''Our hearts beat like the hummingbird's wings, by now we surely are afraid'' because it doesnt make the song seem to go forward. i like it alot. keep it up man.
please crit mine song . thanks
#5
more of a poem than a song

!!!feel the funk blast!!!

STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN