#1
so here is a poem, pretty much a free write, cliche as well, crit for crit. thanks for reading in advanced

?You might know?

To a toddler

I?d think about killing my self
Because death has yet to do it
But I don?t want to be
Just another number

When I die
I just want it to happen,
Kind of like a marriage;
You can?t wait for the honeymoon
Or like your birthday;
When you can?t wait to rip open the presents,
Well the wrapping that?s covering your gifts,
They happen,
Buts that?s kind of how it is
Or exactly.

But enough about death,
There is too much of that both now and later
Shall we speak of what people have little of?
Otherwise known as love.

Now love is great
And it shall just happen too
The feeling is natural,
Kind of like a lion in hunting;
It waits then kills the antelope
Tearing every bit of meat straight from the bone,
Then the hyenas are there to gnaw
At the bone; it?s natural,
That?s what it?s like.

You shall also know what life is like?

Soon?maybe?
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#2
Not the greatest song i've ever read, but definitely not the worst. I just couldn't really get into the lyrics, they gave me an odd imagery. I think you work on it, shape it up a bit, it'll be fine.

Keep at it.
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too