#1
?Lost in the Wind?

Intro

Verse:
Blank eyes stare through the glass of the window-
He hopes to find what was lost in a faraway place.
Floating with the wind, tirelessly and endlessly-
In hopes to find a final resting place to stay.

The burning desire within slowly begins to wither down-
I see the emptiness of a man that will haunt him forever.
All alone in the candle light of the desolate attic-
Searching for lost pieces, his mind running frantic.

Chorus:
The lights are off, no one?s home-
Empty inside, he dies alone-
This empty soul lost himself in the wind.

Verse:
Death has found this man motionless in a corner-
Holding onto pictures of his unforgivable past.
An epic battle to save the puzzle that?s been left behind-
Never to escape the hell he has found himself crawling through.

Solo

(Guitar and bass slowly wind rhythm down for transition to bridge)

Bridge: (spoken conversation between the man and aHigher Power as if from a movie)
?Arise my son, and be at peace of mind, for today does not lay hold to your final hour.?
(Slight Pause)
?Father.?
?Yes, my son.?
?I seek parts of my past I wish to reverse, things I cannot find.?
?Do not fear. Go forth and live your life with clear conscience; vibrant and youthful, as the day in which you lost what you now wish to seek. Search deep within your heart. Only then will you come to terms with the past, and the lives you destroyed during your personal conquest for happiness.?
?Father, why have I killed those closest to me, how have I lost myself??
?For you are weak, and without me, my son, you shall remain weak.?
(Pause)
?Then I reject you, Father. Allow me this one wish: to slowly decay in the blood in which I once shed for myself.?

(Chorus)

This shattered soul?has been scattered by the wind.


When I write songs or poetry, I always 'feel' the guitar playing a melodic piece, much like Opeth or In Flames. The way you interpret the lyrics may be different. There are parts I may wish I change but I wanted to post it to see how you guys liked it so far. Crit 4 crit, lemme know what you think.
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too
#2
No critiques? Honesty is a musician and writers only level to base their lyrics/stories on. Be open about how good/bad it is. Crit 4 a crit.
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too
#3
Good writing I really liked it. I thought it seemed kind of Sepultura-esque. It was good writing. The part that really interested me (not necessarily liked it though) was the conversation with the fathe figure at the bridge. Interesting, but that part could be better.

Mine is further down on the first page.
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Jun 23, 2006,
#5
If you've seen the movie "The Doors" with Val Kilmer as Morrison, it would have the same feel as when he says...
"Father."
"Yes, my son."
"I want to kill you. Mother, I want to F*CK you!"

Kinda odd that Jim Morrison was, but poetic genius. Now back to my point, I just seen the bridge being different in this song then others (I like to push the envelope to new territories). Thanks for the crit tho, honesty helps.
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too
#6
hey this is pretty cool man, i love your word choice. I like the bridge too, i would love to hear this with the music. But as for the lyrics hey man its not that bad of a piece at all, it didnt seem to me that you forced anything, maybe the idea is slightly cliche but you chose to portray it in a non-cliche manner cheers for that. I like it man, and you got sigged as well.

and i just noticed that you read my peice as well, thank you for that.
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#8
Dude do u dont need to see the movie to hear him say that Jim morrison actually does say that in the song but very good song nice writing and use of words
#9
Quote by sk8ero131
Dude do u dont need to see the movie to hear him say that Jim morrison actually does say that in the song but very good song nice writing and use of words


I know, but I don't remember what song it is, and idk how many Doors fans there are in this part of the forum tho.

Thank you for the crit tho, man
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too
#10
Ya that chorus is like the best i've heard in a while simple yet effective, and the song is "The End" which is by far there best song and in my opinion morrison best lyrics
#11
The lights are off, no one?s home-
Empty inside, he dies alone-

the bit i liked the most^^
its great song, like the flow and the 3 line chorus, overall u dont need to rework it i think and the father/son convo was excellent, gave the song a dark feel to it. nice work.

crit mine?
Quote by dark&broken
I'd like to see any of those meathead homophobes look a Spartan in the eye and call him a fag.