#1
I made this song for a girl that i really like, but she's already taken... It's my first one... I just felt like doing it... plus I'm not that good in english so I need your help guyz thanx...

Rose

You stand out of your dozen friends
your precious leaves, gives me air to breath
your sharp torns, makes me bleed to death

your lips as red as petals
are all that i'd seen
'til I realised the love that I seek
lies in front of me

Chorus:
Rose, I need you today
I'd love it if you stay
rose, I need your love
but your already taken away

The chill in my vein, gives me so much pain
all over again, I lose control
when I see you there, I'm no longer sane

Don't go away..
The love that I show is the love you made
So don't be afraid, your in command
I am your slave

(Chorus)

I knew that I have found
I never thought it's a confound
Now I realise, the rose I loved and seeked
Was already taken by someone, by him....

Please give comment and suggestion...EMO \m/
#2
i thought it was alright for your first set of lyrics. of course, it's not outstanding like some of the work you will find in this forum but it definitely wasn't a bad start. the only thing that i didn't like much was your rhyming, you don't need to rhyme everyline and soon you will learn that rhyming can make your lyrics sound awful. overall, it was alright. the beginning was pretty good but your ending was weak, in my opinion. great job. keep up the good work!
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