#1
I wrote this about five minutes ago. I kinda like it, so I wanted to see what you guys thought of it. I'd also like help on the title. I was thinking Macabre Fate, perhaps?

V1

The sky glows red
A dreadful sunset
The shrieks of the innocent
Turned to victims

Chorus

Dont close your eyes
Just say goodbye,
Death is not prejudice
It takes no prisoners

V2

Stay aware
To stay alive
The carnage never ends
You'll all share this macabre fate

Chorus

Dont close your eyes
Just say goodbye,
Death is not prejudice
It takes no prisoners

Bridge (Slowly)

Mangled corpses
Strewn across the land
It wont be okay

SOLO

Bride (slowly)

Mangled corpses
Strewn across the land
It wont be okay

V3

The calamity never ends
Destruction, extermination
Extermination of innocent lives
Dont gain any hope

Outro

You'll share their fate
You'll join them all
to burn in hell.
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Jun 26, 2006,
#2
Do you have any music for it? If not, what genre do you intend it for?

It was hard to get into without cuz of the short lines, but yet I still liked the lyrics.


Mangled cadaver's
Strewn across the land
It wont all be okay


Maybe change the last line to either, "It won't be okay." or "It will never be okay." Just suggestions, good job tho.
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too
#3
No music yet...

Kind of thrash though. Maybe a little Black influences.

Thanks for the reply.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#5
Maybe...

I like Macabre Fate though.

Btw, for the music, think Kreator/Exodus... with a little Blind Guardian thrown in for some spice.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#6
Macabre Fate would be good, I wish I could hear the music to that song, lirics are pretty cool, I like the "Death is not prejudice It takes no prisoners" part
#7
Yeah, I actually thought of those lines a while back and wanted to use them in a song, and I finally did. In this song they just kind of worked for me.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#8
the verses were a little short, but they were pretty good, i just didnt like the bridge, cadavers and corpses are the same are they not? lol anyway, i liked it other than that, im guessing its gonna a be a mainly instrumental song to fit with the short verses but yeah id give it 7/10
#9
Yeah, it's just how I write... Short verses/chorus is ok if they're good right? lol.

Music will be tough to write though. Ideas would help.

I was thinking thrash/black metal... relatively fast song... And I like the sounds of songs played in D (DGCFAD)
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Jun 23, 2006,
#10
this sounds like an awesome hard song youy know i thought the verse you starteeed with really helped it alot and made a great start awesome stuff thanks for the crits on my song
#13
I think that if you were to put it to any music that wasn't Thrash/Black/Death Metal, it would seem really stupid. But, I guess that that's the style of lyrics used in that genre. And so judging from that standard, pretty good. Nothing that left me particulary impressed though. But then again, that style never does. It's all in tastes, I suppose. Still, well done.
#14
Metallica- The Plague is a good idea. Top ideas right now i guess are The Plague and Macabre Fate.

fenderfreak- sure, thanks.

Geekis_Kahn- Thanks for the reply.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#15
That could be one sick black metal or death metal song. My only complaint is your chorus is a little weak. Actually it's just the last two lines of your chorus I'm not too fond of. The rest of the song is great, it's so good I think you can finish the chorus with something better.
-Fender Deluxe Active P-bass (60th anniversary)
-Peavey T-40 (1982)
-Hartke HA-3500
-Aguilar GS 2x12
-GK Backline 2x10
#16
Continuing what hatebreed219 said, I would almost switch the last two lines of the chorus with the first two. It would sound stronger with a slight repetition to begin with, and finish with little emotion. I suggest switching the two, but maybe you have different thoughts for it.

Otherwise I would love to see/hear some Morbid Angel-esque guitar/drum beat to it. I think it'd sound pre bad-ass.
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too
#17
^ in other words.... brutal


\m/ \m/
-Fender Deluxe Active P-bass (60th anniversary)
-Peavey T-40 (1982)
-Hartke HA-3500
-Aguilar GS 2x12
-GK Backline 2x10
#18
Unfortunately, I know who Morbid Angel is, but I dont listen to them.

Could you suggest some songs that I can download?
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#19
sounds alright, sounds like it would be more death metal or at leasat hard core metal.... with some screaming, just i dont like that kinda of music....anyway nice imagery and idea, and i would leave the corpes line as cadavars are different in the fact that they are used for medical purposes and corpes means someone killed them or somehow died....anyway good job
#20
Thanks for the reply. I like the cadaver thing but corpse flows better to me... idk, i might change it back though..
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#21
not bad...i worte a song a couple of days ago i called it "crystal clear"..im gonna post it tomorrow....tell me what u think
Say goodnight to the bad guy........
Cuz we all need a bad guy to blame our problems on....
#22
Will do. Any changes/suggestions?
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#23
chorus...

dont close your eyes
just say goodbye
dont try to hide
your death is in the air tonight
Say goodnight to the bad guy........
Cuz we all need a bad guy to blame our problems on....
#24
title

Last Goodbye
Say goodnight to the bad guy........
Cuz we all need a bad guy to blame our problems on....
#25
Some of that is kinda catchy.. Maybe... I'll see how it flows with the music. I like that line, "Just say goodbye."
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Jun 26, 2006,
#26
Pretty killer lyrics dude! I like the idea of reversing the first and last lines of the chorus but if you sang it well, it would sound good either way. You gotta make up some killer riffs to go along with that ****.
#27
Ya know "Dreadful Sunset" wouldnt be a bad name.

maybe something like "human body count" or "the age of carnage"
#28
Any of those would work.

List:

Macabre Fate
The Plague
Age of Carnage
Human Body Count
Last Goodbye
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#29
thanks for your comments on my song...i like this one. It seems well thought out and is very solid...nice helping of darkness, too. keep at it!
#30
Thanks, will do. I like this one too.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#31
Although short and snappy, I feel that some parts are too simple to really have a moving effect, especially the last line. However, the snappiness went towards the theme quite well.
#32
Yeah, I dont know, I like the last line though.

I just write lots of short lines... thanks for the reply.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"