#1
Okay, I wrote this song a few months ago... back in March I think. I had been listening to "Pretty Hate Machine" by Nine Inch Nails over and over again and thinking about this girl I hadn't seen in far too long. I'm sure you can hear a little bit of the NIN influence in the lyrics. Just thought I' say that so people wouldn't say it was emo. I know it's a little (or maybe more than a little) cliche, but so is everything else. Anyways, here it is:

Heroin

(VERSE ONE)
The weeks just pile on and on
They?ve been tormenting me for far too long
You?re all I have left
But you?ve been taunting me while you turn deaf
I only see you in my thoughts
A reminder of the life I tried to wrought
But it seems all I can remember
Is everything that you taught

(PRE-CHORUS ONE)
Please just feel me
I remember the look in your eyes
I remember the feelings you tried to hide
I remember the taste of your skin
I remember when you let me in

(CHORUS)
You take all of the pain away
You make all of the good things stay
You save me from this hell
I love you but I hate myself

(VERSE TWO)
I know that you grow tired of my pleas
Infesting you just like a little flea
I scared myself again
What would I do if you were not a friend?
There?s just too much to feel
And I need something else to steal
I know that God does not exist
But Hell is very real

(PRE-CHORUS TWO)
I just want to see you
I remember the texture of your hair
I remember when we didn?t care
I remember the tone of your voice
I remember when we thought we had a choice

CHORUS

(VERSE THREE)
The agony in my head won?t rest
Working through my skull into my flesh
Nothing makes me happy anymore
So I wait for you while I pick at sores
It?s been months since I?ve felt grace
You are my only good taste
But without you for so long
I just feel out of place

(PRE-CHORUS THREE)
I want to touch you
I remember the sweetness in your kiss
I remember the trembling of your lips
I remember your laughter and your art
I remember the beating of your heart

CHORUS X2

I love you but I hate myself
I love you but I hate myself

I love you but I hate myself


Thanks for reading. Crit mine and I'll crit yours.
Last edited by Geekis_Khan at Jun 23, 2006,
#3
It do kinda see the NIN influence in there... it certainly isn't bad, and you've got some good ideas in there and all, but a few lines come off awkward I think. Like.
"I know that you grow tired of my pleas
Infesting you just like a little flea
I scared myself again
What would I do if you were not a friend?" IDK, but then again, NIN have some good songs with lines that come off a little strange as well. Either way, good job, keep it up.