#1
Alright so heres the story. I met a girl. we got along great. It lasted a while.. now the conversation has faded. It shouldnt bother me but i get pissed off at the fact that now theres probably someone else whos taken my place.

Anyways this song is inspired by this incident. Its not complete only because im unsure weather itll be a good idea giving this song to her somehow. (indirectly ofcourse :P).


I need inputs on weather i should bother singing it or not.


heres the link. It is under originals and is called My Goodbye.

http://silentsound.dmusic.com/

Thanks in Advance. I shall crit yours in return.
...i hate shakus-spear ....
#2
sorry man i couldn't get it to work, I tried multiple players.

We've all been in your situation man it's a tough one. I think you should sing it and give it to her, but you should give it to her yourself, unless of coarse your pissed at her and its more of a stab in the back type of song theh, like you said, give it to her indirectly. Good luck man.

Edit: oh yeah, if you could please check out my thread: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=381175
Last edited by TheThesTony at Jun 24, 2006,
#3
Bah oh sorry dude. check now. i fixed the link. Hopefully itll work now.

Yeh.. i might give it to her directly. dunno yet. if i do id want it to be perfect yanno.
...i hate shakus-spear ....
#4
iight, it works now, sounds good dude. Only thing is i couldn't make out some of the lyrics but thats cause the recording quality wasnt too good. Keep working at it man, you'll get her back in no time
#5
The lyrics are

we fell so far;
we lost all reason to be who we are;
we changed.... changed so much;
empty conversations follow us;


all times we spent have now been taken for granted;
with All those memories......I am stranded;
Apparently theres somebody else;
Ive faded away like the rest;
So i sing my Goodbye....;


Goodluck Farewell.... SO long..
I guess ur telling me to move along.


Im gonna do it again soon. With a solo and everything. The only thing thats bugging me is that i feel ive heard this melody before.
...i hate shakus-spear ....
#6
Some minor things I didn't like.

You're not using enough clearity in your singing and I think it's kinda mumbling sounding.

Another thing, and a reason why I hate the internet, because I think if you changed the way you sang "I am stranded" it would move that entire section along. Add some pop to it and start on a higher not and descend down through the phrase. Like you did on "have been granted".

In general, your voice is nice. I can tell, however, that it needs a lot of work and I'm no expert by any means, but the only way to make your voice better is to practice tons. Sing whenever and whereever humanly possible. Emphasis anunciation of each word and seperation between words.

Hopefully I've helped in some mannner. Either way, I hope you have a good day.
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#7
Sorry about your girl troubles man, everyone goes through them...
/is 13
The lyrics are very good, and I like your vocal tone, but your intonation is a little off at times. Very solid song though, I like it.
Crit mine?
#8
blaze,

i think this is turned out great, your singing is very consistent reminds me of a cross between David Gilmour and the singer from Shinedown, only tip i would give is that the song could use a little more diversity as far as chorus etc... but if you were going for more of a melancholy feel than congrats, either way great musicianship
#9
nice work man. I agree with what others have said. The guitar is pretty solid, all chorded so not much to crit there...other than maybe adding variations and a bridge.

The singing could use a little work. Biggest thing is to STAY IN YOUR RANGE. Some parts you try to go too low and you cut your note short and flat. But overall good song, just put a little more energy into the singing. I think the part around 56 seconds "I've faded away like the rest" and the following lines would sound a lot better if you just put more into it. You have a nice sounding voice. I heard you start to put the energy into it when you said "Ive faded away" then you dropped back off...
Anyway, thats my opinion. Look forward to hearing the final version.
#10
This song really gets the melancholy mood you were aiming for. One thing that I would work on is the vocals. I like your voice, but the melody could move around a little more and maybe have some higher parts. While the low melody adds to the sad mood of the piece, I think you could afford to change it around a little and still get the effect you want. OVerall, it definitely shows the mood that you were feeling, and could be even better with a few changes.

Crit mine (Wanted To Say)? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=383052
#11
The guitar playing sounds uniformly nice...it's nothing special, but it's nice and propulsive and there are no mistakes I could here.

The singing is kinda iffy...I respect you for trying, but you're kinda mumbling and off-key a lot of the time.

In terms of the songwriting it sounds alright...I'm not a huge fan of this particular sound of song, but there's nothing wrong with it.
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#12
i really like your vocals they werent what i was expecting i was expecting like little whiny lyrics, but yes nice music great vocals nothing really wrong with it, except that ending that kinda of threw it off, but thats about it. everything else was great thanks for critting mine.
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#14
i hear staind a lil bit. i dunno, u should add some little fills in the verse i dunno, like another guitar come in and play a small thing. thats what i think would sound cool. and perhaps someone singing with you while you say my goodbye or whatever...it would sound cool
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#15
I think that overall this sounds a tad generic and gets repetative but most songs do that. It's all preference.

Personally I kind of like the abrupt ending but it could stand for something that resonates like a chord sounding off or repeating the chorus without any music. It makes for a more dramatic ending.

There were times when I feel you tried to put too much melody in your vocals and it sounded stressed. I do that sometimes too. It's part of learning what your voice can do.

Overall it gets the message across and I'm glad you have some outlet for this falling out.

If you get a chance i'd love a crit as well.

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=385179
#16
are u using reverb?
maybe u sould turn that downa bit?
just an idea
it's a bit too airy
but that's a minor detail