#1
Silken skirt of dirt wrapped freely around your purt asshole.
Flowing top of crop hiding nothing but the lapse of a prematurely worn nipple.

This is not romance.
You are the pin up whore.

I swear to myself above your body,
I will not address you on this soaken floor.
Last edited by thepickups at Jun 24, 2006,
#2
the last two couplets are amazing, the first is kidna forced, especially the "top of crop"- sounds weak IMO.

works very well as a short extract though.

i can't get over that last line. love it.
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#3
Do you reckon you know what it means?
The last line especially, becuase it links into the forced part of it?
#4
sex with a minor?
contradiction to convention (ie. soaked slut on the floor and guy NOT going for it)

that's the main meaning IMO, obviously it suggests different things to different people, but that's i guess the basics. i haven't really thought about the finer details.
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#5
of montreal says:
yeh you were pretty right about the meaning
of montreal says:
it's about avoiding the slags
of montreal says:
the girls that are just out to pull etc
of montreal says:
the start is supposed to be me using higher diction to show that i'm above them
of montreal says:
and then the bit later shows that i'm above them by saying,
of montreal says:
"I swear to myself above your body"
of montreal says:
but i use "your body" for them instead of just "you" becuase all they are is meat
of montreal says:
if that makes sense
#6
Super meaning! BUT you just broke what is probably the cardinal rule of writing: to never fully explain a piece to the reader. I know it's always tempting especially when people don't "get it" but we must let readers elaborate themselves. Oh and Of Montreal is cool (even if they're not from montreal lol)
#7
I know. I'm pretty bad at doing that sometimes.

I'd appreciate some more comments please.
#8
I am increasingly becoming a fan of your short and snappy pieces Mr. Pickups.

The shortness and spite that you put into this one made it very effective, despite it being only a few lines long. The rhyming also added hugely.

Nice.


C'mon England later on, hey? 2-0 for me. To England.
#9
I can't say much more than what I have in your previous pieces. they're just great. I think you've written the best (shortest) piece around here, that I can think of.

Brilliant stuff.

And 2-0? c'mon, if the Germans can beat them 3-0 then we'll wipe the floor with them
#10
Crouchy better come on and get a hat-trick for the sake of my fantasy team.

I'm glad you got the spite in this piece, it was intentional and it all wrapped around that thought of just going "**** off, i don't want to pull you; you skank".

Thanks all.
#11
i have looked at a few of your other writings too and all of your stuff is amazing.
just the way you use the words and have hidden meanings and all, you do it really well
i like it alot

could you maybe crit mine https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=382632 its not anything great, compared to yours especially, its pretty straight forward and doesnt have any clever ways to show things
.....

#12
i like it a lot, its short and simpe but effective at the same time, i also like how you just write the words asshole and *****, people are to keennto shy away from obvious words in order to sound intelligent...so good on you!

nice piece conor
Around the ragged rocks, the rugged rascal ran.

My D-Music
#13
Cheers Gaz and other person, although I think you already "crited" your own; I'll still take a look.
#14
The 'prematurely worn nipple' is a bit wordy.

Who doesn't want a little no-strings-attached sex once in a while? Your other one, "Selective..." had basically the same idea.

Meh, I'm just jealous
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#15
What can I say boys....

:P

The 1st 2 sentences are supposed to be wordy though. It gives the feel of me being better than them and higher in the hierarchy around here.

Then I go straight to fact, stating that they are whores and that I won't shag them just becuase I'm drunk.

We've all been there!
#16
memories of being 16 again are suddenly flooding back, many nights, many drunk girls, oh well it was fun at the time!
Around the ragged rocks, the rugged rascal ran.

My D-Music