#1
This is my first submission to this forum, please be kind... it's an acoustic number, constructive criticism

Inside my Shell

I?m finally in a place
I never wanted to be,
People lining up all around,
Taking shots at me,
Remove the shackles of this earth,
And leave me behind,
Even though I?m haunted by
Memories of you in my mind

But I know we?ll live again?

I swallow all my pride,
Cos I?m no longer dead inside my shell,
Swallow all my fear,
Cos you are finally here
I open up my eyes,
So I can finally see through all their lies,
Swallow all my fear,
Cos you are finally here?
With me

I never thought it would hurt this much,
To open up my heart,
I can feel your eyes peering in,
Tearing my mind apart,
If you really didn?t want to know,
Then why did you stand and stare?
If only you just left me here,
If only I didn?t care

But I know we?ll live again?

I swallow all my pride,
Cos I?m no longer dead inside my shell,
Swallow all my fear,
Cos you are finally here
I open up my eyes,
So I can finally see through all their lies,
Swallow all my fear,
Cos you are finally here?
With me

And I never need the memories of,
Things we left behind,
I wish that we could make our way back,
Back to when I wouldn?t dare,
To open up, and fear the truth,
I am my own demise,
But what hurts the most is that I am nothing,
I am nothing in your eyes

I swallow all my pride,
Cos I?m no longer dead inside my shell,
Swallow all my fear,
Cos you are finally here
I open up my eyes,
So I can finally see through all their lies,
Swallow all my fear,
Cos you are finally here?

I swallow all this pride
From the faceless I will always try to hide,
I swallow all this fear
Because I just want to be near,
To you


I know the lyrics are a little generic, but it has some personal connotations
#3
I like this. Great opening line. Right off the top it explains the mood of the song. The next line where you said "Taking shots at me," sounds a little cliched to me. It fits, but I would try something more like "Looking down on me." I don't know how you feel about that, just a personal preference on my part. Otherwise, awesome job.
#4
well, I wrote it acoustically in DADADD tuning, but I have tried it with a distorted riff, and it works fine that way, too. Cheers for the comments... and the taking shots at me part is a reference to the little paintballing session I went to earlier that day... I ran "the gauntlet" where I had to run a few lengths whilst the rest of the team potshotted at me:P