#1
Hello everyone, here is something I wrote on the spur of the moment, hope you guys like it, but most importantly, comment on it, tell me what went wrong or right or anything! Thanks!

[Verse]
Slip away
Fall into my heart now
Drop into
Into my drench now
And we'll work out
Through this dead end skin
And we'll die out
Throw our shame down the drain
[Chorus]
Take my drugs
And run away
Rape my love
Drain it all away
[Verse]
Bend along
With the waves shape your way
Run away
Pray that time will make it fade
And the halls
Filled with many doors to break
And your door
And your door's the one I'll break
[Chorus]
Take my drugs
And run away
Rape my love
Drain it all away

[Bridge]
Pretend the night is just a joke
When lights are off and we're all alone
And all the lines are steering clear
From all the words you want to hear
And I'll break down, lets communicate
We're blind but we can see the heat
That drowns out all the static noise
But then I find out it's just me

I'll tear your door down
[Chorus]
Take my drugs
And run away
Rape my love
Drain it all away


EDIT: Sig is not part of song , also, can you guys please comment on the song haha
Last edited by Horebane at Jun 24, 2006,
#2
I thought your sig was part of the lyrics too.

Punk died with Take Off Your Pants and Jacket.


k guys i play real metal like atreyu and stuff
#4
Dude! This is just and opinion but i like rhyming songs. Yours doesn't rhyme at all. Unless you are scream-o or fast metal it should rhyme.
Dyllon Maddix Die Geno
#5
I REALLY, really liked this one. I liked the sorta-rhyme you had in the bridge, and how you wrote it out... The only issue I have with it, is this verse part:

Bend along
With the waves shape your way
Run away
Pray that time will make it fade
And the halls
Filled with many doors to break
And your door
And your door's the one I'll break


The italicized part... I didn't like it. I didn't like the repeatedness of it.. I'd say something more like, "And your door/It's the one that I will break". <shrug> thats it, good work.