#1
I wrote this in about 30 minutes total time, and there's a couple lines I like, so I thought I'd throw it up here and see what you all have to think. Crit 4 crit, as things always are

Just Another Reason to Pull Out

I?m pushing the square peg through the circular hole
Because I know that it will never fit
Just the same way I?m trying to fit the truth
Out of your tight, pursed lips
I hear talk of God and reading the good book
But I think I?ll side with Satan
Even fallen angels get to keep their wings
But I?m just a falling man with no time left

I?m fighting a losing battle, but I?ll keep fighting
Only to see you for another day
Through the blood, the sweat, the fear and tears
I still see this picture crystal clear
You?re the heroine and I?m the hero
Just not the one you wanted
Someday you?ll realize that you should love me
But by that time I?ll have atrophied.
So while I choke on oil and drown in this thick tar
You can stare at me with that blank look
But don?t dare to outstretch your hand
Because I might fall in love again

Let?s quit smoking and let?s start breathing
Because everything is easier said than done
Optimism is just another form of denial
We?re running free in yet another place that hates us
They?ve got their gunpowder, but I?ve still got dreams
I don?t have ****?

Washburn WI66 Pro E Celtic Cross (1 of 48!)
Washburn WI66 Pro Honeyburst
Takamine EG334SC Acoustic-Electric
Peavey XXX 120W All Tube Half Stack
Line6 MM4/FM4/DL4
Boss NS2
Vox Snakecharmer Compressor
Digitech XP100 Whammy Wah
#2
Optimism is just another form of denial

Great line there.

To me, a mix of intriguing ideas and poor ideas. Try to cut out the cliches to add indiviuality (angels/wings, crystal clear, falling man), as you have done with the square/circle thing.

So, yeh, good stuff, but I think you could lose a quarter of it or so and be left with a more consistent piece.

If you could kindly crit back here, I'd be extremely grateful.
#3
I loved this. Very good piece, although almost no rhyming. So 8,5 by me. If you get to it, then please leave a comment in my song: ''A tribute to Ultimate Guitar: UG Lifetime'' or for a real crit, click on ''Sarcophagus'' in my link. Keep up the good work, I really liked these lyrics!
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#4
sweet thanks you guys, i'll take a look at both of yours...
Washburn WI66 Pro E Celtic Cross (1 of 48!)
Washburn WI66 Pro Honeyburst
Takamine EG334SC Acoustic-Electric
Peavey XXX 120W All Tube Half Stack
Line6 MM4/FM4/DL4
Boss NS2
Vox Snakecharmer Compressor
Digitech XP100 Whammy Wah
#5
*BUMP*. Oops.
Washburn WI66 Pro E Celtic Cross (1 of 48!)
Washburn WI66 Pro Honeyburst
Takamine EG334SC Acoustic-Electric
Peavey XXX 120W All Tube Half Stack
Line6 MM4/FM4/DL4
Boss NS2
Vox Snakecharmer Compressor
Digitech XP100 Whammy Wah
#6
lol...

Nice job, even without the rhyming, there is a great flow to it. Love the line "Optimism..." Not much more to say here.

If you could, check out my piece, As Pictures Fade, the links in my sig.

Thx, and also could you check Where Are You, if not, then its okay, but I'd appreciate it.
#8
^^Thanks for the crit man I'll return the favor...

^I loathe you...
Washburn WI66 Pro E Celtic Cross (1 of 48!)
Washburn WI66 Pro Honeyburst
Takamine EG334SC Acoustic-Electric
Peavey XXX 120W All Tube Half Stack
Line6 MM4/FM4/DL4
Boss NS2
Vox Snakecharmer Compressor
Digitech XP100 Whammy Wah