#1
ok, I'm not in here much since I haven't wrote a song in a while but I just came up with this one. i just came up with a quick name so i'm not really sure about it yet. I haven't made any major edits or anything yet so tell me what you think.


Aimless slayings, you?re favorite pastime
Killing is your way of life
Though your body count is high
Have you perfected the perfect crime?


Do you remember that night they ran you down?
On the spot they knew they had you
When your crime catches up to you,
Can you find a way to say you?re sorry?
Do you remember when they drove you to the ground,
Cuffed you up and threw you in the car
You?re thinking as hard as you can
But you can?t find a way to say you?re sorry


Your pointless killings are your only drive to survive
You?re dragging on with a few sharpened knives
Endless killings will find a way to end you
Keep it up and the tables will turn


Your apologies won?t save you now
The man knows everything you?ve done
You?ve ruined your life by ruining others
Your time has come just like all your victims


Do you remember that night they ran you down?
On the spot they knew they had you
When your crime catches up to you,
Can you find a way to say you?re sorry?
Do you remember when they drove you to the ground,
Cuffed you up and threw you in the car
You?re thinking as hard as you can
But you can?t find a way to say you?re sorry
Lmnop invites you to come on down Hollow_138 and be contestant #1 on todays show


If you would like to become a contestant please send a PM to Lmnop to be accepeted

^Price is Right fan club. PM Lmnop to join.
#2
It wasn't too bad, but a few parts were a bit sketchy.

"Have you perfected the perfect crime?"

I wasn't quite fond of the double-usage. Maybe..."Have you perfected the ultimate crime?"

I think if you made the poem/song a little more metaphoric and not so straightforward, I actually think it'd turn out pre good. It's a good start somewhere at least.
Crit 4 Crit:
Melodic Death--Broken Mortal
Melodic Death--Lost in the Wind
Thrash--Inner Demons

Quote by societies_worm
the sad thing is not only is this guy a dumbass, but he is going to get more replies than i ever have, but thats is funny too