#1
Har har har. I'm witty.

Scene and Unscene

Sunlight divides inside
Your pretty eyes into colors
That twist and turn
But slowly fade away
So cover up these windows in
Rolls of colored cellophane
Nothing comes in clearly anymore

I'm tired of these used up
Abused hues
But my open eyes only ever
See shades of gray

So goodbye to your
Full-color spectrum
I'm going to find where we're
Sillhouettes and shadows
Cut out against bright stage lights
Where our forms twist and turn
Then crash and collide
Into a hundred shades of masscara and
Black hair dye

So goodbye to you
(Sunlight divides inside
Your pretty eyes into colors)
So goodbye to you
(That twist and turn
But slowly fade away)
Untill I find you
(So cover up these windows in
Rolls of colored cellophane)
Where we're all sillhouettes and shadows
(Nothing comes in clearly anymore)

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#3
Erm. I haven't read your latest. So sorry for that.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

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#5
I'm too emo for my shirt. Too emo for shirt. Too eeeemo.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#6
Nice use of imagery and colour. Esp. the colour, because this is useful for representing feelings, and so my favourite lines are: "So goodbye to your, Full-color spectrum, I'm going to find where we're, Sillhouettes and shadows", it works so well, words made for each other. The rhythm is pretty good, off bits here and there, but mainly good. 8.5 out 0f 10, keep going!
And if you could Crit the song in my sig. "Too Late To Say" that wold be great!
Thanks
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#7
I really liked all the rhyming and the imagery. I also thought that last stanza was pretty cool combining the first stanza into the new one. I really enjoyed it all around, and I thought the idea was interesting. Sorry, don't think I have any real complaints.
#8
It's chill. Glad you liked it. coughPeteyCookWotMJunecough

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#9
Quote by Petey Cook
Har har har. I'm witty.

Blah, it didn't work last time

Scene and Unscene

Sunlight divides inside
Your pretty eyes into colors
That twist and turn
But slowly fade away
So cover up these windows in
Rolls of colored cellophane
Nothing comes in clearly anymore

I don't like "pretty eyes" you can do better than that. The rest is great with your usual imagery.

I'm tired of these used up
Abused hues
But my open eyes only ever
See shades of gray

Weird flow. I don't know about that... The "Shades of Gray" is really overdone and doesn't add too much, but it works I guess.

So goodbye to your
Full-color spectrum
I'm going to find where we're
Sillhouettes and shadows
Cut out against bright stage lights
Where our forms twist and turn
Then crash and collide
Into a hundred shades of masscara and
Black hair dye

Love this. Espeically Lights/Collide/Dye thing. I can't explain the way I read it. I don't like the feel of those last two lines. They're so... I don't know, not you. I guess it draws in upon the darkness, while also being satire toward scene kids? haha.

So goodbye to you
(Sunlight divides inside
Your pretty eyes into colors)
So goodbye to you
(That twist and turn
But slowly fade away)
Untill I find you
(So cover up these windows in
Rolls of colored cellophane)
Where we're all sillhouettes and shadows
(Nothing comes in clearly anymore)

Excellent ending.

Rock On


Great piece Petey, even with lack of your usual flow.

P.S. Vote Petey Cook for WotM.
Last edited by Retribution at Jul 2, 2006,
#10
Wow, you're amazing at writing lyrics.
Everything sounds really good. =]
Good Job Mister!
#11
Danke for the full crit.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary