#1
Greetings. Leave me a link, if you so choose. Thanks.


Two leaves lay on the water
A branch?s width apart;
Two leaves lay on the water,
Both trembling like a heart;

They strove to reach each other
Across the rippling glass,
But the waves from one another
Meant they could only pass.

Two leaves lay on the water
As the moon dwelt in its quarter;
They wished to be together
Amidst the kindly weather;

Both knew how to lie still,
And wait for nature?s will
To call them gently on,
To where they?d lie as one.
#2
Not my cup of Carlsberg, but quite alright writing.

It's simple, written in decent structure and holds the idea.

Can't complain, but I can't celebrate either.

I like something a little less traditional.

Non the less, strong like crouchy.
#3
Hello!

I like this piece a lot, especially how you describe the movement of the leaves. You use brilliant imagery! The flow of the poem is smooth, however in the third stanza when you change the rhyme scheme, the flow gets clogged.

But you manage to finish with a solid closing line. Impressive!
#4
Simple, to the point. I did like the idea in the second stanza though, the harder they try to be together, the more waves they make and THE FARTHER THEY DRIFT APART.

Yeah, sorry, I'm a bit fazed by final exams.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#5
Hey dude, I kinda liked this!

It's a nice little simple bit, but it's cool, and I think it'd sound good arranged in the way Mother Nature's Son was, by The Beatles. I like how this takes place on the water, so it kind of relates to how you kind of have to wait it out, and hope for the best, ie Mother Nature, to help bring 'em together.
Cool Stuff.

If ya could click on crease the corners link in my sig, that'd be rad.
#6
Wixed little piece...simple...clear...short...great imagery.
Like the fate-has-its-own-ways twist in the last stanza.
Nothing bad to say mate...keep it up.
On the sixth day God created mankind, I say it is a waste of time.
My project: _simple_city
#7
You know I'm liking this simple approach to writing you seem to have had in your last piece or two, CJW. Once more, I think this is good, solid writing, and deserves high praise.

Of course, not..what's the word..... It doesn't have that "wow" effect because of the simplicity, but I think that is why I've enjoyed this and your other recent work. I especially like your imagery here, although I do have a bit of a problem withthe third stanza, it just seems a little more forced to me than the others, but still, it's all a nice idea.

Good Job once more

Ps- Our chances against the Portugese?
#8
Well, thank you all. I'm glad that everyone seems to appreciate the simplicity here.


Jammy: 2-1 to the boys in white.
#9
Portugal to win, I'd say.

Maybe not though, with those 2 out, especially missing Deco.

Depends whether Sven decides to wake up.
#10
Not my cup of tea, but I must admit, great writing.

Top link in sig please... I want to see your opinion on it.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#11
I think this kicked astronomical quantities of arse. It's an amazing metaphor/conceit. Well executed. Brilliant, brilliant little insight into the nature of it all. Great work!

England have my full support for this world cup. Unless/until they meet Brazil, in which case I shall promptly turn coat.
ρ
#12
Not my cup of Carlsberg, but quite alright writing.


Not my cup of tea, but I must admit, great writing.


Pfft, woman.


Brazil look strong atm.

Got goals for my team with Ronaldo and Adriano.
#14
To me this is one of the best pieces I have read here, I just love the way it takes me right to the edge of the bank and can see those two trying to get it together. The imagery is superb and the idea brilliant, is that enough compliments or do you want some more!

ok there is one little flaw imo the rhyme of together and weather, don't know why but sounds too obvious or something, I think you could get away with repeating They wished to be together, but as ever upto you mate.

Loved this, simple and great piece.
Cheers mate
#16
Not my cup of Carlsberg


Legend!

The song is pretty good i think, not my stlye wither but good. Very good. C4C as always
Songs working on :

Nitelife
#17
Well thank you to all those who have commented so kindly here.

It's nice to see so much interest in the footy, and I have a strong feeling England might pull somethin' special off this year (i.e. crash out to an under-strength Portugal).

Only joking. I hope.
Last edited by CJW at Jun 29, 2006,