#1
Disregard the words I say.
For they hold no truth.
tomorrow follows yesterday
and childhood comes after youth
no one is allowed to die
and no one ever does
immortality, you see,
is not real, never was
when you hear the dog click, and you hear the clock bark
and you see the water drops burst into unburning sparks
and you understand what you cannot comprehend
and at last you reach the beginning of the end...

This is when you'll realize.
possibly with great suprise

all the many things of which
a dream can be comprised.
Last edited by Rapid_Fire at Jun 26, 2006,
#3
Amazing , really is, everything from content, to rhythm, to the (almost full) rhyme. It it so easy to ready, as it is written well. "and you see the water drops burst into unburning sparks" - Bloody excellent line man, the whole thing is excellent! 9/10, Well done!
And if you have the time, could you crit one of mine please? Link in my signature
"If you want beef, then bring the ruckus." - Marilyn Monroe
#4
thanks for the comments! i did a little work on the ending, i think it sounds more complete

to tell you the truth, i just sat down and wrote this on this site, it doesnt have any meaning, i just felt like writing something and this came out haha.
Last edited by Rapid_Fire at Jun 26, 2006,