#1
Here is my new song, i wrote it in a jack johnson style, so its pretty simple.,.

tell me what you think, crit for crit....


(INTRO)
Im here at this place
Lost long ago
Where thoughts were optimistic,
And cooties still existed
And all?.
Of my thoughts
Were cut, clean and dry
Looking at the sky
and thinking

(CHORUS)
Elephants, Barbie dolls,
Cruising down the school halls
Wouldn?t you like to be
To be ther again

No responsibilities,
Just adding two plus three
And being a kid,
Well it was just so easy
My friend,
Wouldn?t you like to be there again?

(Verse 1)
The sun in my face,
The beaches were like oceans,
Theres no need to think,
Cuz that could cause commotion

Emotion
So clean
Love, peace, and happiness
No angry thoughts were in between my head
Wouldn?t you like to be there again?

Now im wondering why
This world is so cruel,
Not a day goes by,
That I do not miss you
Oh childhood

Can you bring back those things
Those things that made me laugh and sing
Not give a **** bout anything(pretend)
I wish that I could be there again
(chorus)
#2
I think everyone ever has written a nostalgic song about childhood and how it's all so complicated.
#5
This is really good, I like it the best of all of your's. The first verse is great and introduces the song really well. The "cooties" line is my favourite. The whole thing would work really well in the style you mentioned. Thanks for your crit on mine.

Did you really play with barbie dolls?!!
#6
This is one of your best pieces. Chours is cool, it asks you the question would you like to be there which is difficult to do, but you pulled it off. "Theres no need to think, Cuz that could cause commotion." - Thats a great line, but the two lines before were poor.
I love the way you used bad language in the end. It shows how you've grown but are angry about it and it reinforces the danger and annoyance with growing up. It brings out vulgar words and confusion. While being a child is so simple, so swear free!