#1
I'd like all who read this to have a stab at the meaning of this piece. The person who guesses correctly gets a prize.

Much maligned
A camera posed victim
Suspended in space and time
Love?s dark, dank affliction.

Twisting time
And logic too, anyone
Gets a second chance,
Confetti life?s rulebook.

Eschew all you were ever taught
See what difference you can make
When you?re a different type of waste,
Another bitter taste.

It?s paradise
A rush of gasping lungs
And flashing lights
Another bedside drama

Happy now
Drenched in the stench of
Your happy lies, stifled truths
And paper thin standards.

Still turning
Sheets stuck to knees
Then pattering stickily across the tiles
A low, resonant sound.

A glass on the windowsill
Half empty, half full.
A single moan, a violin string
Pressed against a feverish bow.

A shrill, piercing sound
No-one can hear anymore
And if they do, they ignore
Faces like blank canvases,
Backs turned, yet the note still rises
The glass cracks.

I?ll sweep it under the bed.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#6
Not quite.
I'm looking for more of a poetic interpretation. Detailed, if you get me.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#7
ok, its about being alone, dieing for attention but noone gives it to you. they just push you aside because of who you are and what you believe in.
#15
Well for starters, I thought this was well-written. Some parts that I didnt like so much:

-Second Stanza-I dont know, it just came off a little weird when I read it. I think that perhaps because it didnt necessarily flow like normal speech/text would it left abrupt ideas. Such as the last line, if you read it directly after the third, to me, it should read as "anyone to/Confetti life's rulebook" but I do like the description. And one more thing, opinion only, but instead of Confetti I would personally used shred or something along those lines. Or perhaps "forming a confetti of life's rulebook" because I dont think confetti can be used as a verb properly.

-Third Stanza-All was fine until the last line. It just did not seem to fit at all, and seemed to be placed just to conform to the rhyme scheme you had going.

The rest I found really nothing major to pick at...which sucks ....nah just kidding.

As for the meaning? Hmm, I really would just go with what Woody was getting at. My view is that someone is gettin abused, most likely by a parent, because that someone would always go against the standard and live life the way they wanted. But, this abuser just wouldnt grant that special attention to the person...thus resulting in some physicality (Maybe not?) which the person just doesnt allow to take precedence in his/her life...

That was long and drawn out, but it was my sole attempt.
Can You Fill In The Blanks?
#16
I was stuck with the last line of the 3rd stanza, just couldn't think.
As for the bit in the 2nd stanza, I get what you mean. I meant each line to be short, I should have put a period at the end of each.

Thanks to all for the comments, especially the crit, xArCaDiAx.

The meaning's pretty simple. Somebody who uses self victimisation as a means for pity. Except nobody does listen, boy who cried wolf sorta thing. In the end the character decides to attempt the ultimate act of attention seeking and kills him/herself (The glass cracks). Yet still nobody cares (I'll sweep it under the bed.) I've actually just realised how morbid the whole thing is.

Cheers guys, Alex.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#17

Much maligned
A camera posed victim
Suspended in space and time
Love?s dark, dank affliction.

lovely lovely rhyming here. great opening, alreayd it's very dark and sinister and opens the way ahead. i really like this stanza, the flow and rhythm is spot on, and the words create such a mysterious tone i'm drawn in.

Twisting time
And logic too, anyone
Gets a second chance,
Confetti life?s rulebook.

personally ehre i'd put "anyone" on the start of the next line, and also, while i'm on the topic, i would change it to "everyone" cos "anyone" just sounds a bit... vague, whereas "everyone" is definite.

Eschew all you were ever taught
See what difference you can make
When you?re a different type of waste,
Another bitter taste.

IMO the last line needs more syllables to even the flow, i'd suggest something simple like "Just another bitter taste" - wounds a lot better IMO
cool stanzas though, great style and structure.

It?s paradise
A rush of gasping lungs
And flashing lights
Another bedside drama

when i first read this piece i was gonna say something about how the ongoing repititon of 4 line stanzas til the end get kinda repititive and boring, and you should try some variation, but when i reread it, i realised it kinda uilds you up to the final end, which is a great effect.

this stanza is wonderfully simple and veyr effective. nothing to crit.

Happy now
Drenched in the stench of
Your happy lies, stifled truths
And paper thin standards.

again, adding to the build-up process, the tension, the sombre tone. great stuff.

Still turning
Sheets stuck to knees
Then pattering stickily across the tiles
A low, resonant sound.

i don't know what it was, but i really didnt like that last line there. it sounds really narrative and escriptive and boring. the rest is great, esp the "sheets stuck to knees", but like, that last line drags it down. but then again, i dunno what it is about it, so i cant offer any suggestions :/

A glass on the windowsill
Half empty, half full.
A single moan, a violin string
Pressed against a feverish bow.

perfect. really vibrant imagery and great ideas put forth here.

A shrill, piercing sound
No-one can hear anymore
And if they do, they ignore
Faces like blank canvases,
Backs turned, yet the note still rises
The glass cracks.

I?ll sweep it under the bed.

yeah i'd agree with the guy who said it was about abuse, but you said it was about so much more? so like, self conflict? schitzophrenia? i dunno, but it's a very interesting piece.
this ending stanza is very good IMO. it kinda shows to me the demise of the character, the slow descent, perhaps into madness? very powerful, especially the "the glass cracks"- that single sentence owns.

good job man, i relaly liked this.
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#18
Cheers Jallas, crit much appreciated. Only replying now cos forums were down.
"You can never quarantine the past."